Here's The Exact Mathematical Formula To Determine If You're Actually Dating Someone

Here’s a question as old as time: what’s it mean to actually be dating? Kevin brought up the excellent point that in this day in age there’s so much Tinder chat and text talk that you actually end up knowing more about a person before you ever meet them. It used to be you meet in a bar, have some small talk, then have some sex. Now there’s something of an emotional connection (albeit most of it lies) before lips ever lock.

So, a caller mentioned that he hooked up with a girl a few times after drinks then stopped talking to her without ever having “the talk” and, would you believe it, it seems as though she’s rather perturbed. That’s because no one’s ever really set out the exact parameters for “dating” and it leaves a lot open to interpretation. People are often confused. No longer! Today we gave you the exact definition of dating:

Seeing each other for at least two weeks.

You must have gone on at least three dates. Real dates. Dinner dates. No “drinks” bullshit, actual meals or planned evenings.

Four sleepovers. If either of you are leaving like a thief in the night then it should be very clearly understood that emotional connection don’t live here. If you ain’t cuddlin’ then you ain’t datin’.

2 oral sex minimum. There’s a sweet spot for BJs and cunnilingus. It’s not always for strangers and it’s not always for people who’ve been in a long term relationship. You don’t want to eat a new, unique meal and you don’t want a meal you’ve had 100 times. You know what the sweet spot is? It’s dating.

A brunch/breakfast. Perhaps a breakfast in bed. You’ve gotta wake up, get dressed, and consume a meal in the light of day together.

1 friend introduction. Not an “oh my god my friend is at this bar, what a coincidence” introduction, a real one. An “I care about you and I want you to meet this other person I care about” introduction.