Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher
Extra Added Bonus: Eddie from Barstool Chicago gave me this link to his podcast interview with a guy who actually banged his high school teacher. It’s the rare time you’ll ever get to hear one of these stories told from an insider’s view. Absolute 24K gold. Enjoy.
Texas – Stephanie Carmona worked as a mentor for a San Antonio middle school for months when the 34-year-old woman allegedly started an inappropriate relationship with a 14-year-old male student.
“She befriended his mother at some point and it turned into sleepovers where she would have sexual intercourse with him,” said SAPD sergeant and spokesperson Jesse Salame during a news conference on Thursday.
The mother of the minor discovered the illegal relationship when she noticed text message exchanges between her son and Carmona. …
[A]fter Carmona bought the student a meal, the boy texted her a thank-you message that included heart emojis.
Carmona texted back: “Stop sending me those kisses, or I will give you this ass,” reads a statement in the court documents.
And – Carmona then struck up a relationship with the victim’s mother, and she allowed them to stay in her own home for three weeks as a favor to the family.
One night when the victim and his mother were at her house, according to the affidavit, Carmona allegedly walked into the victim’s room, told him to take his pants off and then had sex with him. Afterwards, Carmona left without a word and took a shower. …
The victim told investigating officers that Carmona also sent images of her buttocks to the victim. Carmona allegedly admitted to sending him the photos.
Say what you will about Stephanie Carmona. Call her a sexual deviant. A sociopath. A horny lunatic so unhinged she’d throw her life away for clumsy sex with a 14-year-old. You’ll get no argument from me. But you have to admire her sheer, brazen courage. The kid innocently thanks her for buying him a Baconator and she goes straight to Threat Level: Midnight promising him ass. There aren’t many Sex Scandal Teachers that would give a family a place to live just so she can conveniently bang the kid under the same roof as his mom. And that move where she walked in on him, rode him, then left while the mom was asleep in the next room? That is pure guts. Like a gentleman art thief heisting a priceless Monet and walking out with it right past security without getting caught.
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Yes, it’s stupid. And reckless. Creepy as hell. And obviously professional suicide. But even by the standards of the great SST state of Texas, Stephanie Carmona stands out. And that is no small task.
The Grades:
Looks: I’m not one to spend a lot of time checking the Comments, and when I do I find the most blowback I get is from the Looks grade. But aside from the obvious A’s, it seems that generally speaking I get an even split between the guys who think I over-graded and the ones who think I under-graded. So I’ll take that as proof my tastes are spot on. That said, I’m going to catch hell for saying this, but I kind of like Stephanie. I mean, she’s not going to be on Next Top Model. But I feel like she’d clean up well. Like if she was going to be a bridesmaid and took like six months to get into shape for the wedding, she’d be alright. And I feel like the female buttshot is the toughest sexting move to pull off, so hers is probably better than it looks from this angle. Still, prison carbs will not be her friend, I can promise you that. It’s worse than Freshman year of college. This kid probably got her at her peak.
Grade: C+
Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: Again, I go back to her utter fearlessness. Or total disregard for the mother she invited to live under her roof. Either way it’s a rare quality. Plus we’ve got the naked ass shots and an admission. She is the definition of tenacity.
Grade: A
Intangibles: This is how you mentor.
Grade: A
Overall: B-
Do you have someone you want to see graded? Tweet her to me @jerrythornton1 or email me at jerry@barstoolsports.com. Your service to the betterment of mankind will be its own reward.