Doctors Say Cold Medicine Doesn't Do Anything And Is A Waste Of Money

SOURCE – Cough medicines are waste of money, doctors declared today. Both NHS bosses and leading GPs have dismissed the products – and say traditional home made remedies with lemon or honey to be the best approach. But the NHS Choices website advises: ‘There’s little evidence to suggest cough medicines actually work, although some ingredients may help treat symptoms associated with a cough, such as a blocked nose or fever.’ The webpage adds that the ‘simplest and cheapest’ treatment for a ‘short-term cough’ may be a homemade remedy containing lemon and honey. It continues: ‘There’s no quick way of getting rid of a cough caused by a viral infection. It will usually clear up after your immune system has fought off the virus.’ The report authors concluded that studies used to support the claims of effectiveness are often low quality.

Of course cold medicines don’t actually do anything. It’s the same thing with Airborne or Emergen-C or lemon and honey or whatever the cold remedy du jour happens to be. There’s no product that will actually help beat a cold. The secret is that colds are all mental so it’s as simple as using your brain to trick your body.

The first step in any system is prevention: convince yourself you never get sick by talking about how you never get sick. Talk about it constantly. Until people hate you for it. Use people who are sick to talk about how you never get sick. Bring up that sweet blog by ericpops about how cold medicine doesn’t work, but you don’t get sick anyways. Use it as a conversation starter at parties: break the ice, plant the seed that you’re good breeding stock thanks to your strong immune system, and next thing you know you’re heading to the clinic for an illness of the sexually transmitted variety, amirite!? (Probably not.)

Full disclosure, though, this method isn’t bulletproof. There’s a slight chance you’ll still get a cold this winter (never admit you have one, though). That doesn’t change the overall strategy: use your brain to trick your body. Gather up all the cold medicine and Airborne and aforementioned shit that doesn’t do anything and make yourself believe every last word of the label. It doesn’t matter that nothing actually works. You’re using these tools to trick your body. Convince yourself that all that shit is gonna rip through your sickness like a corn-costumed Iowan through New York City. If you believe it, it will work.

Boom. 2-4 days later you wake up totally healthy. As I said: all mental.

PS: If you think my method only works because it can be boiled down to “take a bunch of medicine and let time pass” you’re just weak-minded and not smart enough to beat a cold with your brain.