Chicks LOVE Beyoncé: Pres Does Not.
(iTunes isn’t even bothering to put anything else in the featured bar, today is Beyonce’s day)
So unless you live under a rock, you woke up to find out that Beyoncé released a sneak album overnight. Well to say chicks are going fucking crazy would be an understatement. Girls LOVE Beyonce. More than Uggs, more than Scandal, more than Instagramming their cup when the Starbucks barista with a GED spells their name wrong… they love her. Like think of what you love the most in the world, girls love Beyonce a million times more. You’re going to get home from work tonight and your chick is going to be passed out on the couch naked with squirt everywhere because she fingered herself 1,000 times to this CD throughout the day. Heterosexual girls love her more than dick. That’s how strong their passion is for her, it overrules millions of years of basic instinct. So congratulations to the Lady Stoolies, today is your day. And my condolences to the normal Stoolies, because today is the day you realize if it came down to you or Beyonce, your girl is taking Jay-Z’s wife.
PS – Yes of course I’ve listened to it already. She has a song called “Blow” that is entirely about getting her pussy eaten. The chorus is like “Come eat my skittles, taste that pink, pop that cherry.” Pink isn’t even a flavor! She didn’t even try sticking with the euphemism, she was just like “Come eat my skittles and I hope you get that I’m talking about my pussy.”
EDITORS NOTE:
Feitleberg beat me to this blog, but I need to make my feelings known on Beyonce. I hate this bitch. Hate Jay Z too. Keep trademarking your babies name assholes. Oh and apparently Blue Ivey is in a bunch of these videos. So fucking spare me when you complain about the paparazzi trying to get pictures of your kid. You brought it on yourself. Just such a hardo move dropping an album in the middle of the night like this. And how about this fucking statement from her?
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“That the album is available on the day the world is learning about its release is an unprecedented strategic move by the artist to deliver music and visual content directly to her fans when she wants to and how she wants to, with no filter.’
SHUT UP. Don’t make this sound like you did this for any reason other than it to be a publicity stunt. Don’t get me wrong it’s working, but you didn’t do this for your fans. You did this so the internet would freak out and they did. But let’s call a spade a spade. Kayne, Beyonce, Jay Z, Kim Kardashian are basically all the same people. Top 10 most narcissistic people on the planet. Keep going on vacation to Cuba illegally. Keep lyp syncing the Superbowl. Keep inviting Destiny Child to do 1 second cameos and then booting them off stage. Keep having Jay Z lecture us how it’s wrong to use the word “bitch” now that he had a baby girl. Keep dropping albums in the middle of the night. Fuck you.