Cast Of "The Smut Network"

So the other day a caller on KFC Radio asked who would play who in the Barstool movie and we barely even answered the question. Whole thing devolved into some ludicrous debate whether Adrian Brody is a good looking guy. Completely absurd. I think Pres might think he looks like him or something? Which he doesn’t. But it makes it really awkward trying to tell him that Adrian Brody is so far from attractive he couldn’t even get radiation poisoning.

Anyway got a reader email today with this artwork. Too good not to bring it up again. I saw Sales Guy as Bruce Willis and actually laughed out loud. If I’m casting director these are my first calls.

El Pres – Sean Penn

Big nose and they both love playing the Boston street tough. Pretty much perfect.

Me – Shia Labeouf

Guy who used to be funny and now sucks because he tries to act serious like he’s Sean Penn or something. Redemption role. Also, has a big nose.

Kmarko – Christian Bale

Dark, witty, misunderstood, American Psycho. Both love yelling at underlings. Bale is no stranger to morphing his body for roles so I’m sure he’d be willing to become less attractive.

KFC -KFC

Racked my brain forever. Can’t think of anyone who looks enough like him to play the role. So, like Jerry Seinfeld playing Seinfeld KFC would have to play himself. However if you think I’m gonna sit here and call KFC Seinfeld you’re outside of your mind. Instead we’ll say that in the beginning of the movie it’s explained that Kmarko recently got sick of BarstoolU so he snapped and killed KFC in order to move to Barstool NYC. KFC isn’t in the movie.

Mo -Stuart Scott

Black people get mad when he acts white. White people get mad when he acts black. Mo is Stuart Scott. BOO YAH.

Neil -Mike White

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Too perfect. Once you’ve made the sale stop selling.

Big Cat- Eugene Levy

Jewish. Outrageous eyebrows. Says things that are so awkward and preposterous that they end up being funny.

Sales Guy – Bruce Willis

Bald as the day he was born. Always has a look that says “I’m a bit confused as to what’s going on here.” Doesn’t work much anymore.

Coming soon to a theater near you.