Boston.Com Love Letters - What I Found Out When I Googled My Boyfriend
The Question
I have been in a long-term, exclusive relationship with a man for many years. We often talked marriage and children and living together, but because we also work together, we hesitated to do that until one of us had a different job (one of us supervises the other indirectly, so we kept it discreet). He is significantly younger, and I didn’t want to tie him down at first, but he was the more aggressive one throughout. We were very happy for many years.
He took on a side business a couple of years ago to make more money. I thought it might develop into that other job we’ve been hoping for. A year later, in the aftermath of a loss in my family, his business succeeded and he began to look into investments and new ventures. All the while, I covered his role at work to some extent, enabling him the flexibility to do some of this.
We were still actively dating exclusively, but last summer, unbeknownst to me, he began seeing a younger temporary employee at our shared workplace. I didn’t understand his sudden distance, his failure to continue our usual activities and plans. He didn’t explain. Then he took off for a two-week vacation alone, when I had thought we were tentatively planning to go together. I didn’t know anything about the other person until I finally did a simple Google search on him. I learned that he had bought a house months ago, was living with this woman from work, and read their engagement announcement online, which he had not shared with anyone at work.
His family did not know anything about her, the engagement or his house or his new business. They thought we were still dating. It all came out then; everyone was upset. He won’t discuss it at all or explain anything to me. This woman knew we were dating and was in on the lie. I loved him and thought we had a future. I’m devastated. Is there any hope? I’m ashamed to even ask. I wish I didn’t care.
Help me.
– Starting Over
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The Answer
I’m so sorry. This is a horrible betrayal, and you have every right to feel overwhelmed by this loss. I know you feel old and sad and miserable, but that’s part of the grieving process. It’s going to take some time to deal with this and move on. Don’t put pressure on yourself to make a new start today. For the moment, surround yourself with friends. Find some new out-of-work activities. Think about how you can advance your own career. Really, it’s a great time to be selfish.
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– Meredith
Readers? Any lessons here?
Hey Hoss you didn’t even answer the damn question. She asked whether there was any hope? So since you didn’t answer the question I will. Is there any hope?
There is ZERO hope. Like NONE. This dude bought a house, got enaged and put the engagement announcement online. REPEAT: He put the engagement online! That’s not hiding it honey. That’s jamming it down your throat. Is it over? Yeah it’s fucking over. And the fact that you wrote a letter asking this question just shows how delusional you are. You have major self confidence issues and should see a therapist and be put on suicide watch. That’s the best advice I’ve ever given anybody ever.