Boston.com Love Letters: Can I Be Friends With My Ex?
Dear Meredith,
I dated a guy for four months. He ended things saying he didn’t see a future with me in it. I was sad but not angry, and we ended things on relatively good terms. Two months later, he called. We had a catch-up session and then he asked me out for drinks/dinner. I explained that I really couldn’t be friends, not yet, not as long as I still harbored feelings. He suggested checking back in a month later. I had assumed the worst of his intentions — loneliness or guilt. In reality, he genuinely wanted to be friends. He was hurt. I felt bad. I apologized but the damage was already done. Now, months later, I would like to be his friend and think I can be a friend. Only thing is, I don’t know how to approach him. I fear the door may be permanently closed. Any ideas?
– Hopefully a Friend, Boston
Meredith Hoss Goldstein’s Answer
A: If the guy can’t forgive you for having a tough time adjusting to a friendship, he’s not good friend material. You can’t dump someone and then demand that they become your friend on your schedule. I mean, why isn’t he worried about how this friendship might confuse you? Why is he focused on his own pain instead of yours?
If you think this through and still want him around as a pal, just give him a call. If he’s really capable of a good friendship, he’ll give this another shot and try the friendship on your timeline. If he doesn’t respond well or makes this all about him, please leave the door closed.
Readers? Should she reach out? If so, how? Can he offer her a real friendship? Did she do anything wrong? Help.
– Meredith
El Pres Answer
Dear Hopefully a Friend, Boston
Hey asshole, this guy doesn’t want to be your friend. He wants to fuck you. So if you want to get stuffed then hang out with him. If not shut up. But nobody stays friends with their ex’s if they aren’t still hooking up. Nobody.
PS – Ex sex is the best type of sex there is so I advice hanging out.