Matt Garza Coming In Hot With The Birth Control Advice
Gather ’round, ladies. Matt Garza is going to tell you how to manage your female reproductive systems. Do you have sex? You probably do, right? It’s awesome. I bet you love it. I love it, too! Congrats to me on the sex that I’ve had, and I’d also like to extend my congrats to you, as well. Like me, I’m sure you share a similar fear of creating a baby literally every time that you have sex, regardless of the preventative measures that you may take.
It’s a common fear to have, especially as an adult who should definitely be more responsible and mature than I actually am. It’s this fear — the fear of having a baby before I actually want one — that disrupts my conscience, and ruins things that I used to enjoy like scrolling through Twitter, looking at Instagram, watching Snapchat stories, and then circling back to see what I’ve missed since I’ve been on the other apps.
If you suffer from the same debilitating problem, then I’ve got some great news for you. Well, actually, Matt Garza has some great news for you. Your days of worrying about that baby that you don’t want are over, because you can just NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN! That’s right! No more sex, no more baby worries. It’s called abstinence. Ever heard of it? Probably not, because you’re part of this sad generation of sex-havers. Matt Garza knows all about abstinence, as he is a father of six kids, the first of which he had when he was 18 years old. So, take it from him. Birth control, shmirth control. Just stop having sex altogether, and all of your problems in life have been solved.
But, perhaps, the best birth control of all is simply looking like Matt Garza.
