West Virginia Bans Having A Couch Outdoors Because People Can't Stop Lighting Them On Fire

WVPublic - In response to the many street fires following big football and basketball games, Morgantown unanimously passed a law Tuesday, April 7, that bans upholstered furniture outdoors.

No one spoke during a public hearing about the new ordinance that would ban people living in city limits from having upholstered furniture in their yards or unenclosed porches.

Morgantown City Manager Jeff Mikorski said the ban is an attempt to stem the number of fires that often spring up after West Virginia University games.

“Over the last 10 years, we’ve had over 3,000 street fires because of the quick ability to bring furniture from porches and put it into the streets and put them on fire,” he said.

Ohhh a city ordinance. Ok West Virginia you win, problem solved. Rioting is now done forever. Rules are rules and I’m sure the sports fans of Morgantown will gladly comply with your new law.

Jesus, talk about an identity crisis. Hey city council, take a deep breath and look at yourself in the mirror. You’re Morgantown. This is what you do. It’s who you are. It’s in your DNA. You win a big game, you set a couch on fire. You lose a big game, you set a couch on fire. Take that away and you might as well take a gigantic saw, cut yourself out of America and set yourself adrift in the middle of the ocean because you’ve lost your way.