Some 'Stoned' Guy's Theory On What Happens When You Die Is Going Viral And Blowing People's Minds

Chris Spags1/10/2017 4:20 PM

Since the dawn of time people have wondered what happens when we leave this mortal coil. Religion has its explanations that range from the fantastical to the theoretically possible, science has a wildly different one primarily revolving around us becoming plant food, and then there’s the off chance you become a zombie. But of course leave it to a presumed stoner to somehow figure it all out in 100 words flat with a neat little bow around it. It doesn’t align with growing up Protestant but I’ve always been a big believer in reincarnation, whatever that may be, just because it seems so bizarre to me that your time here would be the end of it and the idea of floating around on a cloud playing a harp seems a little far fetched. Some religions believe you get reincarnated into a different life form but that seems kind of cruel; after 90 years as a human maybe accomplishing real things all of a sudden you’re going to be a plague-ridden rat because that was the reincarnation draw? Doesn’t make sense either.

So this dude’s idea of vaginas serving as some sort of circle of life portal makes a whole lot of sense to me. You don’t even have to wait around in purgatory with one of those “pick a number” deli machines waiting for a new baby thanks to all the heavy lifting India and China are doing right now with fresh bodies to plug your soul right into (hope you like streets streaming with shit or smog, respectively). Other than the logistical improbability and lack of anything resembling proof, I see no flaws in this theory whatsoever. I want to believe.

But if you’re a nonbeliever of stoned disciple Sam here, you can thank the heavens there was a little sanity in the comments on the post to reel people back in: