Morbidly Obese Monkey "Uncle Fat" Kidnapped By Evil Vets, Forced To Endure Vegetables

USA Today- A morbidly obese wild monkey who gorged himself on junk food and soda left behind by tourists has been rescued and placed on a strict diet of lean protein, fruits and vegetables. Wildlife officials caught the chunky monkey — nicknamed “Uncle Fat” by locals — after photos of the animal started circulating on social media last month.

“It was not easy to catch him,” said Kacha Phukem, the wildlife official who conducted the capture and rescue on April 27. “He was the leader of his pack, and when I tried to go in, I had to fight off a flock of them with sticks.”

“He had minions and other monkeys bringing food for him but he would also re-distribute it to younger monkeys,” said Supakarn Kaewchot, a veterinarian in charge of the monkey’s diet. “He is now in a critical condition where there is a high-risk of heart disease and diabetes.”

Is it insensitive to laugh at fat people? Supposedly. But I think we can all agree that Uncle Fat, the fattest monkey in the land, is comedic gold. Look at that belly! It’s covered in scrape marks from dragging on the ground during his once-a-day stroll to fetch ring dings.

I know this video is a few weeks old, but the big update is that people have stepped in to let some air out of this blimp. Seems like another example of humans meddling in nature’s food chain. Uncle Fat has evolved. His body survives entirely on pork fried rice and kool aid. What’s the saying? You can take the fat out of the uncle but you can never take the uncle out of the fat? You know what I mean. This guy may lose 20 pounds but he’ll always be Uncle Fat to me.

Of COURSE he’s the leader of the pack. Guy has snack minions handing him a portion of their lunch every day in exchange for his protection. He knows he’s the top dog. Probably swimming in red monkey ass. Plops that belly right on their back and goes to pound town. Did you see how he accepted that sugary fruit punch? Like yes, of course I deserve this. I lost my fitbit but I’ve done at least 6,000 steps today. Coooooome to papa. Daddy’s thirsty yum yum yum.