Clemson Linebacker Ben Boulware Gives Lengthy Press Conference Response To Why He and His Teammates Poke Players In The Butthole After They Tackle Them

The State

That’s something we’ve done all year to mess with player. No one’s probably done it as aggressive as Christian did. We try to be a little more discreet about it and just poke somebody, but he definitely grabbed a handful. I did it against USC. The dude tweeted it. I just poked him in the butt. Like, it’s just something we do to mess with players, break up the seriousness of the game.

I’ve never done it as aggressively as Christian did it, I’ll just poke them. It’s gained some unwanted attention. I don’t think Coach Swinney—we would just make fun of Christian. He’s not going to suspend Christian for grabbing a dude’s butt. Like, it’s not really that big of a deal. It’s just kind of annoying.

You kinda gotta to be a little fox about it and poke em real quick. And I know this is probably going to blow up, and everyone’s going to think I’m a sexual predator because I poke guys in the butt now. It’s just we play football together for hours and hours every day, in the locker room, bored. We don’t sit in the locker room poking each other’s butt, we’re just together all day and get comfortable around everybody. It is what it is. Our defense, we’re good, we also like to have fun out there. I just wish Christian didn’t do it as aggressively as he did. He needs to be more discreet about it.

I know there’s going to be one person: “Well, I played football and I never did that.’ You either sucked at football, you had no friends in the locker room, or you were the person that went in the bathroom stall to go change because you were scared to shower with the team.

Yes, Christian went — he went about four fingers deep. He went a little too far. But when I’m just messing with somebody, poking them in the belly button or grabbing someone’s butt, it’s just to break up the seriousness of the game. The people who are freaking out about that have never played the game, or were just losers who didn’t have any friends when they played the game. It’s annoying.

There you have it folks. Just a bunch of boys being boys out here pokin each other in the butt holes and shit. If that sounds sketchy to you you were probably one of those fucking dweebs who changed in the bathroom stall and splashed water on himself from the sink so nobody saw his little nerdy mircopenis. Nerd.

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