An Atlanta Family Is Suing The State of Georgia Over Right To Name Their Daughter "Allah"
NY Times- Elizabeth Handy and Bilal Walk, both of Atlanta, intended to name their daughter ZalyKha Graceful Lorraina Allah when she was born in May 2015.
But the State of Georgia said no and refused to issue a birth certificate, setting off a legal showdown over the sometimes murky laws governing how children can be named.
At issue is the last name of Allah. Georgia officials say there is nothing wrong with the name, but contend that the girl’s surname must match one of the parents — or be a combination of the two — and that it could later be changed in court.
Ms. Handy, who is pregnant again, and Mr. Walk chose the name Allah, which means “God” in Arabic, because it is “noble,” they told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. They gave that last name to their 3-year-old son, Masterful, and Mr. Walk also did so with another of his sons. Georgia approved those names, according to the A.C.L.U.
Two parents with comically ordinary names, Ms. Handy and Mr. Walk, are creating an army of children with preposterous names. They named one son “Masterful Allah” and are now fighting for their daughter, “ZalyKha Graceful” to also have the last name Allah. This sounds like a math word problem:
Ms. Handy and Mr. Walk have two children. Their son, Masterful, walks to the store at 12mph while their daughter, ZalyKha Graceful Allah, walks in the other direction at 6mph. At what point will these two parents start using birth control?
I’m going to ignore the cultural ramifications of naming your child Allah because it’s almost the least outrageous part of this story. Here’s the best bit:
While there was no problem with the name Allah, Mr. Barrett wrote in a footnote that states must maintain a mechanism to reject bizarre or vile naming requests that would subject a child to ridicule, offering as (real) examples from around the world: Snappy Fishsuit; Acne Fountain; Sex Fruit; Loser; Fat Meat; Stud Duck; Ghoul Nipple; Number 16 Bus Shelter; Yeah Detroit; Tula Does The Hula In Hawaii; Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined; and Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116.
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One of the greatest paragraphs in the history of journalism. Try to read those names without laughing. Snappy fishsuit? Acne fountain?! Loser? Number 16 BUS SHELTER? (Wonder where that kid was conceived). And my favorite, “Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined.”
Ignoring the fact that that Batman and Wolverine really aren’t that fast, that name sets speed bar impossibly high for your kid. Just no chance he could possibly live up to those expectations. If Captain (for short) becomes a fat slob and never runs, it’s the most ironic name ever. If he turns out moderately fast, it’s disappointing. The only person who could ever own that name is Usain Bolt, in which case we’d all be like yeah… cool.
And obviously…