America In 2017 - Where Dippin' Dots Ice Cream Buries The President's Press Secretary On Twitter Dot Com
Dear Sean,
We understand that ice cream is a serious matter. And running out of your favorite flavor can feel like a national emergency! We’ve seen your tweets and would like to be friends rather than foes. After all, we believe in connecting the dots.
As you may or may not know, Dippin’ Dots are made in Kentucky by hundreds of hard working Americans in the heartland of our great country. As a company, we’re doing great. We’ve enjoyed double-digit growth in sales for the past three years. That means we’re creating jobs and opportunities. We hear that’s on your agenda too.
We can even afford to treat the White House and press corps to an ice cream social. What do you say? We’ll make sure there’s plenty of all your favorite flavors.
Yours,
Scott, CEO of Dippin’ Dots
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What a world…what a wonderful, wild, wacky world we are living in. Where the White House Press Secretary is engaged in a full scale war with Dippin’ Dots ice cream. Where the CEO of Dippin’ Dots ice cream responds to the President’s Press Secretary on Twitter dot com and buries him, and at the end of the day, the two engage in conversations to hold a social benefiting first responders. Dippin’ Dots for all.
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How confused are your grandparents by all this by the way? When you have to explain to them that the White House Press Secretary is feuding with those little shitty tiny balls of ice cream you used to make them buy you 15 years ago at baseball games on a thing called “Twitter” on the internet? 2017 man, this shit is bananas.