A Guy Who Met Some Chick Off Of Pokemon Go Tried To Play Hard To Get And Blew It So Bad
I was talking to someone this weekend about Pokemon Go and she mentioned the idea that I’ve heard others bring up, that there’s a chance that somewhere out there people are meeting thanks to Pokemon Go and fucking and maybe even some will get married. And I disagreed, namely because I can’t imagine that the type of girl who’d be so into Pokemon as to chat with random dudes about it would be a “catch”, pun not intended (and also because I’ve seen one or two girls outside Pokemon Go gyms battling and they look like the type of chick who’d be in the Tinder blog identifying as a “queer poly intersectional feminist”). But then I thought about it more and with the sheer volume of people playing Pokemon Go right now that maybe it’s possible. Different folks like different types and all that, maybe some nerd love has already occurred thanks to Pokemon Go getting all these people out there in the same space with a common interest.
And now seeing the texts from this dude and I’m reminded of the other side of why Pokemon Go love is so unlikely: The dudes who’d meet and talk Pokemon in real life are just as far from a catch as any of the girls, if not more so. This dude had it laid up, never an easier bucket with a Pokemon chick than this. I mean even ignoring that thirsty heart eyed emoji, look at the Pokemon, Dratini, that she was asking about:
That’s about as phallic of a Pokemon as you can get, his Dratini nothing more than a lengthy, slithery, sloppy beast that she’s just dying to thrust into her Pokeball. And instead this idiot is conjuring up a fake world of jealous women with free access to his phone and thinking that’s going to seal the deal. It’s insanity is what it is, zero game. The men and women meeting up thanks to Pokemon Go are just two blind people fumbling in the dark. With all that romantic incompetence in the air, any Pokemon Go-based sex that occurs is pure chance, like a thousand Pikachus at typewriters somehow creating Shakespeare.
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(h/t ED)