Top 10 Chants at a Sporting Event: Part 2
This past weekend I broke my personal record for hours spent in a stadium as I first traveled to Queens on Saturday for Mets/Phillies (pause for plane to fly by), then managed to finagle Red Sox tickets Sunday night for Clemens/Schilling; so other than beer, traffic and disappointed home fans, chants are probably the most indelible memory of the last 2 days.
Keep in mind though, some of the better chants already appeared in the original Top 10 list from last year so I can’t use them again, while others I simply can’t repeat because their content is not appropriate for The Stool. Joking. Anyway we’re still missing more than a few here so feel free to send them along. Obviously the more insulting/entertaining, the better...
#10. “Out-fielder Takes It UP the Ass, Doo-dah, Doo-dah” – This one actually goes way back to the late 80’s in the right field bleachers at Yankee Stadium, however I haven’t heard it there, Fenway or anywhere else recently for that matter and I’m not sure why. Maybe this article will bring it back? Hopefully it does because “Out-fielder Takes it UP the Ass, Doo-dah, Doo-dah” just has that special ring that’ll leave you whistling it for the next several days. It’s out of a cartoon or something. Naturally it helps if the outfielder has a 2 or 3-syllable last name like “Damon” or “Brunansky”, it’s kind of tough with “Catalanotto” for example - leave that one to the professionals.
#9. “That-Ref-Sucks!” – I’m not sure you can get any more direct than “That-Ref-Sucks!” As everybody knows this is a multi-step chant as you have to point in somewhat of a “Tomahawk Chop” motion with your non-beer holding hand towards the ref who sucks. That’s the only reason it’s not higher on the list, because “That-Ref-Sucks” clearly has to make whoever is officiating just feel like a complete failure. I mean you have to be pretty bad to get an entire group of people organized and chanting in unison that you suck, especially when you’re not even playing. Getting the “That-Ref-Sucks” chant thrown at you as an official is the probably the tell-tale sign you’ve chosen the wrong profession.
#8. “Sieve-Sieve-Sieve!” – Frankly I’m shocked this didn’t make the original list, “Sieve-Sieve-Sieve!” at a hockey game should’ve been a first ballot Hall of Fame chant. Now whether you can do this a soccer match after the keeper gives up 2 goals is up for debate, but in hockey, the “Sieve” chant is virtually automatic after 3 or 4 goals. Add a bag of sugar thrown on the ice, and that’s exactly what New Haven Nighthawk fans did to Grant Fuhr when he was on a minor league rehab stint to simulate a bag of cocaine. Clearly that part of the chant is optional…
#7. “Scoooooooreboard, Scoooooooreboard” – Ah, the neutralizer. Nothing better than shutting up a bunch of a wise-cracking fans of the other team with the old “Scoreboard” chant. Again, you need to Tomahawk Chop, slowly, with your non-beer holding hand to complete the chant, but nonetheless this is still worthy of a Top 10 ranking. You can pretty much do this at any game too, you’re not restricted to just one sport like some of these other ones. You can do “Scoreboard” in Basketball, Beer Pong or freakin’ Bubble Hockey if you want to. It’s the universal neutralizing chant when it comes to sports.
#6. “Take The Wave to Shea!” – Another chant “invented” in the Yankee bleachers, but it can be used anywhere you still see The Wave. Believe me, once people hear they’re being associated with Shea Stadium in any way, shape or form, they usually stop whatever they’re doing. “Take The Wave to Shea!” really is a great defense in stopping The Wave, wherever it still persists…
#5. “You Did Ster-oids! (clap, clap, clap-clap-clap)” – Now my understanding on this one is that it was invented at Fenway Park a few years ago and was directed at The Giambino. No question, “You did ster-oids!” is great because of how unambiguous it is. Just like “That-Ref-Sucks” or “Out-fielder Takes it UP the Ass, Doo-dah, Doo-dah”, there’s no mistaking its intent. The fans are obviously telling Bonds, Giambi, Sheffield, etc. what everybody already knows, including the player, that he did steroids. I can just imagine hearing that during Beer League Softball. You’d think that would be a distraction to some of these dudes you see who look like they’ve been trapped in a BALCO storage facility the last 6 months.
#4. “Safety School…. Safety School…” – Just a brutal, brutal chant to employ, usually you only hear it when said Safety School is winning, so that’s a good sign if you happen to attend that school. Regardless, “Safety School” is a classless, “Ace-in-the-hole” type-chant for spoiled punks to yell at the blue-collar kids across the court. And if you hear “Safety School” while your team is losing, well, you’re only retribution at that point is to kick their ass in the parking lot.
#3. “Don’t- Drop the Soap!” – This one’s an extremely specific chant. I’ve really only heard it used against either an all-boys high school or Duke University. And now that I think about it, “Don’t- Drop the Soap!” might be the only defense against “Safety School”. I’ll have to check on that. In some cases, “Don’t- Drop the Soap!” might be considered too offensive though, which of course is where it works best. Either way it’ll certainly leave a mark, and that’s why we have it ranked so high.
#2. “N-I-T! N-I-T!” - As a Providence College graduate unfortunately I’ve been the victim of this one more than a few times in my career. It sucks, plain and simple. And the earlier in the season you hear it, the worse it is. Imagine hearing “N-I-T!” in like December? Ouch. Even in late February/early March when it’s much more common, it still has the same sting – which of course is how these chants are rated in the first place. Most times you can see the disappointment on the players’ faces as the "N-I-T" chant begins to heat up -- it’s like hearing your entire season go down the toilet. And as far as the Friars this year, apparently we’re tearing up the Italian League this summer, whatever that means, so maybe we’ll be on the other end of this chant in ‘08.
#1. “Box-Seats-Suck!” – To my knowledge, “Box-Seats-Suck!” is the only chant in the history of sports where fans are actually taunting themselves. Of course this is another Yankee bleacher special and it’s directed at the people located a hot dog’s throw away in the right field boxes. The first time I heard this I couldn’t believe it. “Yankee fan-on-Yankee fan crime?", I asked. Yup. But I found out quickly the people in the bleachers pretty much just hate everybody, especially the rich mother f*ckers in the box seats. It’s an interesting social experiment, really. What it means I have no idea…