Things I Hate About the Poker Room at Foxwoods
Things I Hate About the Poker Room at Foxwoods
Last Friday night I made my first visit to the new, highly acclaimed poker room downstairs at Foxwoods, and needless to say, I had some problems with the fuckin’ place. Going in, all I had heard was how glorrrrious and SPECTACULAR the new poker room was, so obviously I had high expectations. Admittedly though, a few of them were met. Six hour waits were reduced to two or less, so that was good. And the noise from the nearby slot machines and Racebook were a thing of the past. But still, plenty of things need to be improved, and while I know they don’t advertise with us for some strange reason, I’m hoping at least one of the tribal elders down there reads The Stool so I can at least feel like my complaints are duly noted.
“The Sign-in Line”
What the fuck is going on at the sign-in line. It’s a complete zoo. They had 3 lines roped off, but somehow 5 lines were formed. People were signing-in at the sign-out line and signing-out at the sign-in line. The 3 people working behind the counter were more frustrated than the people waiting in line, and then before you knew it THEY started swearing at each other. I felt I like was Christmas shopping at the Galleria.
But unlike most people who complain, I have a solution. Instead of giving THEM your initials when you sign up, they should just give YOU a number like you’re at a deli. Imagine how much easier it would be if they had a “now seating” counter rather than initials? First of all, people share the same initials. Second, when you read off 9 sets of initials you can’t decipher if they’re calling you or not. “1-2 No Limit for A-J-T-L-P-M-C-D-G-T-E-R-F-G-X-Y-Z-Q.” What the fuck? Each game (Hold Em’, Stud, Omaha, etc.) should have their own list of NUMBERS, and the player gets a little ticket. When they read your number, your seat is ready. It’s almost too simple.
Listen, I know it’s an improvement from the old, dry-erase board era back in 2004, but something has to be done.
“Too many girlfriends at the table”
Unbelievable. This guy directly across from me the other night had his girlfriend next to him at the table and her breasts were basically in the middle of the pot. Listen buddy, I know what you’re up to. And it’s working. I was completely distracted by her top. I’m all for big breasts, but not as a guest at the card table. You know there was a woman actually playing at the table, imagine if she had her husband whip out his schlong in the middle of a hand? It’s not right. You can’t ask the girl to leave so you have to look away – but you can’t. Unless she’s playing, a big-breasted wife or girlfriend should not be allowed in the poker room at Foxwoods. Again, I don’t blame the dude, its all part of the game. I have enough problems picking up “tells” from other players. There’s nothing in the Mike Caro book about this.
“Misdeals”
For the love of God, what’s with all the misdeals at Foxwoods? Honestly. It happens way too much. I know the dealers are working hard, blah blah. But freaking pay attention! I was dealt KdKh the other night, raised pre-flop and got 2 callers. The flop comes 3 clubs (yikes) the 2 people check to me, I reach for my chips to bet, but before I do, the dealer turns over the next card! Um, huh? You wanna WAIT for me to act?? “Sorry, do you want me to call the floor?” “No, no…. don’t worry about it.” (I lost the hand.) Over the course of 6 hours I saw probably 5 misdeals. That’s ridiculous. You can’t threaten to go to Mohegan because they don’t have poker, so what are you gonna do. Play craps? Jesus Christ.
“Can I get a fucking waitress??”
From 11 p.m. to 6 a.m. Saturday morning, I saw a grand total of 3 waitresses the entire time. THREE. Where the heck are they? Damn it, I plan on playing for 15 hours, I need my hot chocolate with the whipped cream and little scooper thingy. Those things are great! The problem is you can’t GET THEM. Waitress service in card rooms is traditionally bad, I understand that, but this was out of control. I was twisting my neck every which way like a lost tourist on a city street - it was unbelievable. What if I was an alcoholic?
“Not enough TV’s”
Say what you want about the old poker room upstairs, but there were 1000 TV’s all over the place. What Foxwoods needs to remember is that 75% of the people playing poker are degenerates (and that’s being kind). We need to see scores and we need to see scores now. I counted a few TV’s; they were nice flat-screens, too. Just not enough of them. Every man, woman or child playing poker should be able to look up and see a TV. Even the Marina Club I went to way back when had a TV. Granted they were showing “Sledgehammer!” reruns but still. Recommended solution: um, buy more TV’s.
Well like I said, its still better than the dry-erase board, 6 hour wait days of the old room upstairs, but there’s still a lot that needs improvement. If you couldn’t tell, I got beat last week and I’m obviously blaming the casino for bluffing off half my chips with no pair and no draw probably 12 times that night. Whatever. We need numbers instead of initials, more TV’s, more waitresses, and less non-playing breasts and misdeals at the table. Then, maybe, I’ll be happy.