Stool Samples
Crap that actually came from somebody's mouths
By: Pat Imig and Josh Bacott (email @ pgi@joesportsfan.com).
“I think there's going to have to be big time shots made by big time players.”
– Nell Fortner, on the deciding game of the WNBA Championship.
Fortner went on to say that which ever team scores the most points will probably have the best chance of winning the title.
“Scott Norwood's wide-right miss stained the careers of Buffalo greats Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas and Bruce Smith, who could have been remembered for one Super Bowl win instead of four losses.”
– Skip Bayless arguing that the kicking game should be eliminated from NFL football.
Skip, if the kicking game wasn’t a part of football, Kelly, Thomas and Smith would have been rememberd in this game for coming up 30 yards short of winning the game instead of a few feet wide. If it was so simple for the Bills to pump one in the endzone, they wouldn’t have concerned themselves with kicking anyway.
“When candidates are that close, you have to look elsewhere. And I look to their batting, where they are as different as the Quaid brothers.”
– Jim Caple on why batting average should be the determining factor in Dontrelle Willis winning the CY Young over Carpenter. Probably the stupidest argument I’ve ever heard.
“Don't look now, but the Patriots are the real deal."
- Sean Salisbury
The Worldwide Leader in Sports actually pays someone to tell the audience that the winner of 3 of the past 4 Super Bowls is the “real deal”. Money well spent.
“No way Ben Roethlisberger, heavily pressured for most of the second half, was going to bring the Steelers back….Way.”
– Peter King, SI.com
Did Peter King really just drop a Wayne’s World line on us?
You know Brett Favre, he’s the gunslinger. Sometimes he completes that pass, sometimes he doesn’t.”
– Tom Jackson (describing one of Brett Favre’s 3 interceptions on Sunday)
Ah yes, the old “gunslinger” defense. A favorite of the Favre apologists. Most QB’s throw passes into triple coverage and they get ripped for making bad decisions. Favre does it and he’s just a “gunslinger”.
“Kurt Warner stole two league MVP trophies from Marshall Faulk…he was never as important to the Rams as Faulk.”
– Jason Whitlock – ESPN.com
Those 41 touchdowns that Warner threw in ’99 didn’t really mean much, I suppose.
“If these(Minnesota) Vikings were Leif Ericson, they would have never landed on North America.”
– Chris Berman
Good God, someone stop him. If we all pool together enough money, I’m willing to bet that we can scrape up enough to pay Tom Jackson to lay a vicious open field hit on Berman during Primetime.
Media Rant of the Week
On ESPN Sunday NFL Countdown two weeks ago, Steve Young, Michael Irvin, and Tom Jackson discussed Brett Favre’s “biggest challenge to date”. It was an interesting conversation in which Steve Young said that the Packer’s organization has quit on Brett Favre. Young pointed to the fact that the Packers drafted Aaron Rodgers and let go of two offensive linemen. Shockingly, Tom Jackson affirmed Young’s opinion that Green Bay has indeed quit on Brett Favre.
First off, the idea that drafting Aaron Rodgers is a sign that the team is quitting on Brett Favre is unspeakably stupid. By the same rational, the Rams quit on Marshall Faulk when they drafted Steven Jackson, the Bears quit on Rex Grossman when they drafted Kyle Orton, and in 1987, the 49ers quit on Joe Montana when they acquired this theory’s founder himself, Steve Young. Is it really fair to say that the Pack have quit on Favre when he’s teased the media about retirement every year for the last three?
The craziest thing about this opinion is that the Packers personnel decisions are seen as a sign that they quit on Brett Favre and Brett Favre only. If the Packers truly did throw in the towel this season, wouldn’t it stand to reason that they quit on the loyal fans of Green Bay? What about the other members of the team that bust their ass every day for the organization? Or is Favre the only one who deserves a commitment to win from the Packers team?
Stuck in the middle of this discussion was Michael Irvin who surprisingly provided the voice of reason. Irvin said flat out that Favre is not the same player he used to be and hasn’t been for quite some time. He pointed to Favre throwing costly interceptions in big games, and the fact that he’s now 35 years old. TJ and Steve Young responded by saying something along the lines of “He came in to this year in the best shape of his life…. He rededicated himself in the off-season.” Irvin stood his ground and said he may be in great shape, but it’s great shape for a 35 year old.
The sheer ignorance of this argument only serves as more evidence that the Brett Favre man-love has forced some analysts into full-on delusion. And as demonstrated by the fact that we are in total agreement with Michael Irvin, clearly it has made us delusional too.
Monday Night Madden
On the Chiefs kicking a field goal right before the end of the first half,
“Yeah, and that field goal isn’t a big thing, but it is a thing.”
On the Broncos offense,
“When you talk about the Denver Broncos offense, you’ve got to talk about the offense.”
It speaks for itself, really.
Sean Salisbury is Angry at You
On the Texans’ offensive line woes…
“Why don’t you just go 7 on 7 and forget about the offensive line!
If you play for the Texans beware, for Hell hath no fury like Sean Salisbury.
“People, if you were feeling sorry for the New England Patriots after their loss last week, DON’T! Because they don’t feel sorry for themselves, either!
Anybody out there that is caught feeling sorry for the Patriots, just know that Sean Salisbury is going to seek you out and kick the crap out of you.