Sox Offenders

Congratulations Manny-haters, your wish came true. The man that helped bring two World Series championships to Boston is gone. Manny Ramirez will be stroking homeruns, piling up RBI's, and flashing his goofy smile out in LA for the rest of the summer. After that, who knows? But he won't be back in Boston, not in a Red Sox uniform anyway. And for the uninformed, for the WEEI worshippers, and those who tenderly caress the cocks of the local media, there is much rejoicing. In the past two months, the public has gone from outright adoration to absolute disgust on the subject of Manny. Hard to believe, but the greatest fans in the world have turned ugly on one of their own. Was the trade necessary? Yes, of course it was. But was it necessary to turn a Boston icon into an outlaw? I don't think so. The perfect storm of a single-minded, business-only ownership and a greedy puppetmaster agent with no soul conspired to end the Manny Ramirez era in Boston. His 274 homeruns and 868 RBI over the past seven-and-a-half seasons, his World Series MVP, his bat that helped end an 86-year dry spell, all forgotten.

Now, to read the local papers or listen to radioheads, Manny was a bum. He single-handedly caused the team to underperform. He made Josh Beckett forget to back up the plate, he's the reason Okajima and Delcarmen are so painfully inconsistent. Manny is also responsible for blowing a couple saves for Papelbon, Tek's horrific slump and Schilling's shoulder. After a day's work of destroying the Red Sox, he would go home, torture a few puppies, send a few anthrax-laced letters, and then get a good night's sleep. During the off-season he would travel north for a relaxing seal-clubbing vacation. Yes, his evil goes well beyond the diamond. Manny orchestrated the kidnapping of the Lindberg baby, the assassinations of both Kennedy's and the Challenger disaster. He is responsible for the disappearance of the Fudgetown cookie and the New Kids on the Block reunion. Manny is now akin to Satan in these parts.

Remember the start of the season? Still high on a second World Series, a solid core of the '07 team returning with a potential for back-to-back, and Manny Ramirez knocking on the door of 500 homeruns. Red Sox Nation was heaven on earth. How quickly the tide turned. Next thing you know Manny was dope-slapping Youk in the dugout, body-slamming Jack McCormick, calling the Red Sox brass liar-liar-pants-on-fires, throwing an at-bat against the Yankees and crying bad knees. The days of dogging it on ground balls and taking a couple of days off at the All Star break were gone. Evil Manny had taken over. After succeeding in shooting his way out of town, we then hear that he called Boras and tried to back out of the trade, promising to be a good boy if the Sox promised not to pick up his option. Had they done that at the beginning of the season, I'd probably be writing about the Red Sox having a ten-game lead in the east right now.

Whatever the real story is, it's time to move on. I loved Manny and am sad and disappointed to see him go. But it's Jason Bay's turf out in left field now. If I had been at Friday night's game, I too would have stood and cheered. He is one of ours now, and after just a few games, he's got the crowd eating out of his hands. A Monster triple in the twelfth inning and a diving catch in left Friday, followed by a three-run homer on Saturday was enough to wipe away the final memories of Manny Ramirez. I will root for Jason Bay for as long as he is a Red Sox, but I will miss Manny and the numbers he put up and his long dreads and his trips inside the Monster. I won't miss what he became for the past few weeks of his Red Sox days, though. The times, they are a-changin'.

More foolishness, every day, with pictures, at www.survivinggrady.com