The Search For the Next Jenn Sterger
So the good folks at Florida State are holding a Cowgirl contest to find the next Jenn Sterger. A job which may be the most prestigious position in all of college athletics. And since I am an expert on judging hot chicks I decided to handicap the 6 finalists. So here we go from worst to first....
Lauren (Age 27)
“I want to help get the fans on their feet and cheering loud for the team. We shouldn't cheer for the defense on just 3rd down. FSU should be a place opposing teams should fear to come to. I want to do my part. I also want to represent the school and give FSU positive publicity.”
Okay we got a couple problems here. First of all she’s gross. Second of all she’s 27. That is not a good combination. So I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I’m not sure Lauren would give FSU the type of publicity they are looking for. If this girl was elected captain of the Cowgirls all the recruits would transfer within a millisecond of the announcement. Sorry Lauren, but the truth hurts.
Odds – 9 billion -1
Jessica (age 21)
"I believe that becoming a Warchant Cowgirl would be such a great opportunity and this is why. I began attending FSU fall 2007 as a transfer student from TCC, and from the moment I arrived I have tried opening up as many doors as I could. Coming from a small town I went to a school of ONLY 300+/- Kindergarten thru twelfth and I attended the same school my entire life. Now I am likely to have that many people in just one class. Joining a sorority has helped me to adjust well to the college life and meet so many DIVERSE people. I am doing my best to expand my horizons and take full advantage of every opportunity while I am here, and I believe this would be another great step!!"
Free Barstool Hat to anybody who can translate what this chick just said. Honey I hate to break it to you, but you’re not going to Saratoga. This is a Cowgirl competition. So unless that’s your dick sucking outfit, I suggest you change into something a little bit more provocative.
Odds 70-1
Sarah (Age 20)
"I have a 3.6 GPA. Blondes can be smart too you know. I think I would be able to represent the FSU Cowgirls in a fun yet classy way."
I just don’t know why you would mention your GPA in a cowgirl interview. Shut up and take more cloths off. I like the first picture, but the rest of Sarah’s pictures suck. Do me a favor and put on some cowgirl gear. Show us your ass or something. I mean do you want this gig or not?
Odds 50-1
Jessica (Age 20)
To represent FSU in an intellectual yet super HOT way would not only be fun and have its many perks but would make my college career unforgettable and very accomplished.
Did she say she wants to represent FSU in an intellectual way? Pass.
Odds – 38-1
Joanna (Age 19)
"I want to be a Cowgirl to represent our University and prove that FSU has not only the most beautiful women in the country, but the classiest as well!!!"
What is up with this classy bullshit? Do you think Jenn Sterger put the Cowgirls on the map by being classy? Fuck no! She had tits and ass everywhere. Sterger is probably rolling around in her grave after reading this. It’s too bad too, because Joanna looks like she has the chops to make a run at this thing. But how about mixing in some slutty pictures to help the cause?
Odds 29-1
Nikki (age 19)
"Being a Cowgirl represents several great aspects of Florida State. The girls who have been chosen in the past are girls who have the same intense love for Florida State that I have, and have the ability to show everyone their spirit. Most people believe that being a Cowgirl denotes stupidity; I'm here to prove them wrong."
Boom,Shaka Lacka Lacka Boom Shacka Lacka, Lacka Boom! Finally we have a chick who knows what it means to be a cowgirl! She paid respect to those who have come before her and now she is ready to raise the bar. This chick has EVERYTHING FSU needs in a Cowgirl. Hot, proud, slutty sexy, hot etc. Hand her the fucking crown already.
Odds – 1-9