5 Reasons It Still Sucks to be a Cubs Fan
I have to confess that I used to like the Cubs. When I was a kid, everyone had a secondary team that they rooted for, after the Red Sox. They seemed like us. They played in an olde timey ballpark. They had loyal fans. They never won. But as I grew up I started to notice the differences between us, and they're stark. Sox fans always wanted to see them win. Only Ivy League d-bags in cardigans with patches on the elbows ever thought losing made the Sox more lovable. Cubs fans not only believe it, they live it. They're self-pitying, misery-wallowing buffoons who think going 100 years without a championship is some kind of a badge of honor. As they hit hit the century mark of futility, here are five ways it looks like they're off to a bad start.
5. They can't punctuate.
The Cubs just unveiled a 7-foot, 300lb statue of Ernie Banks outside of Wrigley, engraved with his signature catch phrase in the base. That no one bothered to proof read.
4. Moises Alou lets Steve Bartman off the hook. [Note the correct use of the apostrophe-free "lets."]
Should Steve Bartman be off the hook with Cubs fans? According to Moises Alou, he should be. "Everywhere I play, even now, people still yell, 'Bartman! Bartman!' I feel really bad for the kid," Alou told Associated Press columnist Jim Litke. "You know what the funny thing is?" he added a moment later. "I wouldn't have caught it, anyway." Given the fact that Bartman got death threats and went into the witness protection program, you'd think Alou might have shared this tidbit, oh, say... right after the game.
3. For the 451st consecutive week, their ace is hurt.
Carlos Zambrano was pulled from Monday's game against the Milwaukee Brewers because of cramping in his right forearm. This isn't the first time Zambrano has had to leave a game because of cramping. Once, it was related to too much computer use. The good news is that for the first time in years, the Cubs previous ace, Kerry Wood is healthy. Healthy enough to come out of the bullpen as their closer and give up 3 runs in the 9th.
2. When they get an exciting, talented new player, they inadvertently demean him in his native tongue.
Cubs fans certainly have many reasons to be excited now that Kosuke Fukudome is playing at Wrigley Field. In just one game K-Fu's already shown what he can bring to the table. But it seems overenthusiastic drunk fans are already butchering the Japanese language in signs to show their support for the new guy. During the Opening Day at Wrigley, a large number of fans help up signs that featured a Japanese phrase which means “It was lucky” or “It was accidental". What's even more hilarious is that these signs were waved like crazy after K-Fu hit the game-tying home run in the 9th. So in other words, Cubs fans were more or less insulting the guy that just got a huge clutch hit for their team.
1. A website is mocking the Cubs by saying they have the best looking fans...
...when clearly they don't.
