Random Thoughts
1. Okay, I’ll admit that I’m sort of paying attention to the World Cup. It’s basically impossible not to because it’s being force fed down my throat. I mean you can’t turn on the TV without seeing World Cup highlights or seeing a game. But I’d like to clear one thing up. I am not a soccer fan and the World Cup has zero chance of turning me into a soccer fan. I’m sick and tired of hearing all these soccer idiots talk about how if the United States can do well in the World Cup then it will launch the sport to new heights in this country. Soccer is never going to be popular in the United States. NEVER! It is just way too boring. So while I have no problem with the World Cup coming around once every four years and giving soccer heads their moment in the sun, they can spare me the song and dance about how soccer is poised to take off in this country because it’s not. The head cheerleader is going to date the Quarterback not the star striker 10 out of 10 times in this country.
2. What are people’s thoughts about high priority emails? These of course are the emails that arrive with the little red exclamation point next to it. I feel like this feature gets brutally abused in Corporate America. I hate when people send me emails with exclamation points on them. Listen, I’m going to check my email when I check my email. Sending it high priority doesn’t automatically send a message to my brain while I’m in the shower or driving that an urgent email has arrived. And what makes you think your email is more important than all the other emails I receive? I feel like it’s a real cocky move to send a high priority email. It’s like you’re trying to boss me around or something. As a result, lots of times I’ll put high priority emails at the bottom of my “to do” list. It’s almost like a little pissing contest. And I feel like there are some people who only send high priority emails. It doesn’t matter what the heck they’re talking about, it’s always marked urgent. High Priority emails should be reserved for emergency situations only. If you’re sending out more than one high priority email per month, then something is wrong. The only time I send them is if somebody is clearly ignoring me and I’ve sent like 5 emails already without a response. Then I’ll hit ‘em with the priority email just to be a prick. But other than that I never send the high priority email along.
3. I’d just like to remind the good folks at WEEI that I as well as the entire Barstool Sports staff will happily serve as a guest on the Big Show free of charge. The reason I say this is because it’s clear that they are hurting for guests. This guy Rob Bradford or whatever his name is has been on the Big Show for like 19 straight days. Who the hell is this guy and where did he come from? I mean he seems like a pleasant enough fellow, but I fell asleep at the wheel today listening to him and almost drove into a tree. I wonder what Glenn Ordway is thinking? I mean how is it possible they can’t get better guests for The Big Show than Rob Bradford? Let me put it this way. I think if we asked Rob Bradford to do an interview with us he’d probably say yes and nobody says yes to the Stool. Nobody.
4. Here is the question of the day. Should Barstool Sports publish a gay issue? Because this is apparently the key to getting main stream advertisers to advertise in your publication. And in case you don’t believe me, just look at both the Weekly Dig and Stuff@Night’s current issue. They are both centered on Gay Pride week. Now, I have absolutely nothing against Gay people. I could care freaking less what your sexual orientation is. Having said that, I’m proud to remind everyone that Barstool Sports is the only publication in the city geared strictly toward the heterosexual Male. As the President of Barstool Sports I promise that we will never publish “a gay issue” because I’m not only the President of the Stool, but I’m also a client.
5. According to a story in The Sun (UK), a recent poll of In Touch magazine readers ranked the best show business breasts. Here are the results:
- Scarlett Johansson
- Jessica Simpson
- Salma Hayek
- Halle Berry
- Jessica Alba
- Tyra Banks
- Jennifer Love Hewitt
- Rebecca Romijn
- Lindsay Lohan
- Brittany Murphy
I can't argue with the top 3. Johansson, Simpson and Hayek are the Bird, Magic and Michael of superstar breasts. But Alba at #5- that's seems a tad high for her. She's gorgeous and has an amazing figure; no one is disputing that. But this poll was supposed to be all about the boob. I have to question the voters' integrity on this one. And Jennifer Love Hewitt at #7- she must be devastated. I'm sure that Ghost Whisperer is breathing down CSI's neck but J.Love's breasts were her go-to. And now they're just 7th best. That's a slap in the face to J.Love's bosom. Lohan and Murphy are both questionable. Lohan is like Notre Dame football- she's getting votes for what she was years ago. And Murphy's breasts have Bowling Green/Boise State written all over them. Overrated. They look good on her but put them within 100-feet of Hayek or Simpson and it's obvious to everyone that she's not even in the same league.
6. Sticking with Lindsay Lohan, if you're one of those rare guys who hasn't slept with Lindsay Lohan yet, just give it time. She's admitting publicly what we've been suspecting all along: she's a hosebag.
From Starpulse News:
Lindsay Lohanfeels like the man in a relationship when she falls in love because she can't stay faithful to her partner. The star insists she's too young and has too many crushes to settle down with just one guy.
She tells style magazine Harper's Bazaar, "I've become like the guy in relationships. Lately I just cannot be in a monogamous relationship. But there are people I want to date."
7. I ran across this nugget on SportsbyBrooks.
"BOSTON HERALD gossip columnist Gayle Fee to the TORONTO STAR on NESN’s Hazel Mae, who has been rumored to be heading to ESPN after her NESN contract expires in August: "Every time we write about her, it’s the most popular story on our website."
Hazel’s leaving? Say it ain’t so! That means time is running out to get her on the cover of Barstool Sports. I bet she’s not as stuck up as Kelly Barons who won’t give us the time of day. Hmm, this brings up a good question. Kelly vs. Hazel? One night. Who do you take? My guess is that everybody is going to say Hazel Mae in a landslide but I don’t think it’s that big of a mismatch. For one night, I’m going with Hazel because she seems like she’d be wild in the sack, but if we’re talking long term I think I got to go with Kelly Barons. A woman who hates the Stool this much only comes around once in a lifetime. Kelly hates us so much I’m starting to like her. (Yes, this episode was on yesterday)
8. Variety - After years of speculation, the clock's officially ticking down toward a "24" feature film. Twentieth Century Fox has closed a deal with series creators Robert Cochran and Joel Surnow, as well as show runner Howard Gordon, to bring the Kiefer Sutherland real-time thriller to the big screen
You knew it was just a matter of time before 24 the movie came out. I have mixed emotions about this. I definitely think that 24 is built for the big screen but I’m just worried about how they are going to fit 24 hours of action into 120 minutes. A couple months ago I rented all of Season III and watched it in one sitting and it took me like 10 hours to do it. Sure I was exhausted and drained after it was all over, but it was worth it. So I guess what I’m saying is that if we’re going to do this, let’s do it right. Let’s make the longest, most intense movie in the history of modern cinema. I am fully prepared to spend 5+ hours at the movies watching a non stop 24 feature film. And I’ll spend 10 hours if they bring back Kate Warner.
9. Everybody has a certain group of movies that it doesn’t matter what time of day or night it is, once they come on TV you just have to sit there and watch it. And it doesn’t matter how many times you’ve seen them either. It actually sucks when you want to go to bed and one of your movies pops up and then you’re stuck watching it when you should be sleeping. The reason I bring this up is because last night I got caught watching Clear and Present Danger on HBO. This is on my can’t not watch movie list. I’m powerless when it comes on TV. I’ll drop whatever I’m doing to watch it. And it’s not that great either. I mean it’s good, but certainly not Hall of Fame material which is true for most of the movies on my list. But for some reason, I just can’t pull myself away from it. I’m always waiting for the “You got a chip in the big game” line at the end. I love that part. Anyway here is my list of movies that I always watch no matter time, date, place or whatever. And just for the record only Jaws is in my top 10 of all time movie list.
Clear and Present Danger
Jaws
Point Break
Diggstown
Sneakers
Rounders
Gladiator (The one with Cuba Gooding Jr)
The Perfect Storm
School Ties
Searching For Bobby Fischer
Midnight Run
The Abyss
10. New York Post –June 7, 2006 -- "ENTOURAGE" star Jeremy Pivenand actorStephen Dorffnearly came to blows after trading insults in the wee hours of yesterday morning at Bungalow 8” after Dorff cut Piven in line to the men’s room.
Here is the exchange:
"Piven: "Yo, what are you doing? You know you don't need to cut the line!"
Dorff: "I can do what I want!"
Piven: "No, you can't!"
Dorff: "Yes, I can!"
Piven: "You're a has-been!"
Dorff: "At least I am a movie star - you're only on TV! Cable TV!"
Ooooh, snap! Jeremy apparently then went into a hissy fight alerting two security guards to come and break it up before they started pulling hair and ripping each other's hoop earrings out."
A source said: "Jeremy, who actually had a table, was shoved into a bathroom by security and left shortly after. And Dorff, who was in the standing-only section, kept hanging around all night telling anyone who would listen, 'I am going to kick Jeremy Piven's ass!' It was hilarious."
Shit, Dorph didn’t have to drop the “cable TV” card on Piven did he? That’s way below the belt. Ok, so here is the question. Who wins this fight? I’d install Dorph as a 2-1 favorite. I feel like Piven is 2 feet tall.
11. I hate Roger Clemens. Unlike many idiot fans around here I tried my best to ignore the entire farce about him possibly coming to Boston. It didn’t matter how many video tapes and love letters the Red Sox front office sent him. Anybody who knows Roger knows that the only reason he entertained that possibility was to drive the price up on Houston. Clemens could care less about Boston. He doesn’t have a sentimental bone in his body. The guy is a mercenary. He is a paid killer and that’s it. Anybody who thinks otherwise is a fool. I was actually happy when Clemens signed with the Astros because I thought once he picked his team this whole side show that he created would disappear. Boy was I wrong. Roger Clemens made his first minor league start yesterday and you would have thought that Cy Young himself came back from the dead to pitch the game. I mean it dominated the news. The Globe even sent Nick Cafardo to cover it which has to be the biggest waste of money in the history of the newspaper business. Why would Boston fans care about Clemens pitching a minor league game in Kentucky? And the thing that bothers me the most about all this Clemens coverage is that everybody seems to be sucking his dick for coming back. Let’s get one thing straight. The guy wasn’t hurt. He took a vacation and held the entire baseball world hostage while he drove his price up. Why is he being treated like he’s coming back from cancer or something? Clemens is clearly a great pitcher, maybe the best of all time. But the guy is a loser human being who only cares about himself. And this last circus act only proves it yet again. He sat by and watched as the Astros plummeted in the standings not caring about the team at all. The only thing Roger Clemens cares about is Roger Clemens. And I for one can’t wait till he’s gone.
12. Okay, I finally figured out what the worst thing about living in Abington is. It’s the caterpillars. I can’t even remember if these things exist in the city, but out here in the sticks it’s a major problem. I literally have to mentally prepare myself just to go outside and get the mail. If I don’t pay attention I’ll be wearing them like a shirt. It’s a freaking battlefield out there. And since when did caterpillars gain the ability to float in the middle of the air? Is that new? I think it’s time to break out the old tin foil. The other day I actually had a caterpillar crawling down my neck. Now I keep feeling for them even when there isn’t one there. They’re totally in my head. As a side note, do caterpillars do anything? I mean do they serve any useful purpose on earth or are they just disgusting and gross?
13. The following quote was on SportsbyBrooks the other day. Apparently in a book written by divorce lawyer Mark A. Barondess, who represented Joe Theismann’s wife in their divorce case, it was revealed that Theismann told his wife he committed adultery “because God wants Joe Theismann to be happy.”
"Because God wants Joe Theismann to be happy.”
HA HA HA!!! How do you argue with that?
Reader Email
Email #1
Tony Massaroti's latest article in the Herald entitled "Hey Fake Fans: Make like Damon and Leave" discusses the new breed of Red Sox fans, the ones who were nowhere to be seen during the Tim Naehring and Butch Hobson days but now proclaim to live and die with the Fenway 9. If his only objective was to sell papers, well done Tony, I read it, but all I have to say about it is, CAN WE STOP ALREADY!?!?!
PLEASE, this long suffering, feel bad for us, we're "real" fans attitude is so old and tired and simply pathetic. Now listen, I'll admit that it gets annoying when someone who clearly knows nothing about baseball put in their two cents about a pitching change, or when the pink hat fan asks why they're booing Youkilis because it's trendy, but it's not NEARLY as annoying as some guy in his early thirties bitching and moaning about how they cried in '86 or that they still went to games in '93 when there was no monster seats or "Red Sox Nation". Do they hate the fact that the Red Sox are able to take on Mike Lowell's albatross of a salary to get Josh Beckett, or that we're able to give offer Clemens 3 Million a month? Of course not, and fellas, this is in no small part due to the fact that they can't keep those violet Varitek jerseys T-Shirts in stock.
We all used to think Sox fans were bitter because of the excruciatingly painful ways they seemed to break our hearts, but now I realize that they are just miserable, bitter, unhappy losers who actually enjoy being that way.
Give it a rest,
Mark Foley
Here is my take on “Hey Fake Fans, Make Like Damon and Leave”. Let’s ignore the unbelievably stupid title for a second which you know he thought was brilliant. Tony Massaroti has no right to tell fake fans to take a hike because he and every other sports writer in this town aren’t fans to begin with. They traded in that title the second they started rooting for controversy and mayhem more than rooting for the Sox. I’m convinced they’d rather something bad happen every night so they can talk about it on WEEI rather than have a boring 4-0 victory. I also found it comical to hear him complain about how he can’t get seats anymore because of all these new pseudo fans. Let me ask you this Tony; when is the last time you actually had to pay for a ticket to a Red Sox game? So spare me the song and dance about ticket problems. As far as his actual argument about how fake fans suck and ruin it for everybody else, we’ve all heard this a million times. But I have a hard time getting mad at less knowledgeable fans or new fans because the Red Sox themselves have gone out of their way to try and make themselves trendy. The new ownership group has marketed this team to the hilt with the goal of creating this environment. And it started before they won the World Series. This was the direction of the new ownership group so if you want to get mad at somebody for all these new fans get mad at them, not the fans themselves. Personally, the only people I have a problem with are the guys who go to the game with the sole intention of getting shit-canned and ruin everything for everybody around them. These are the only idiots that bother me. But do I care if the lady next to me doesn’t know that Wily Mo Pena was traded for Bronson Arroyo? I could care less. And do I care if a guy wasn’t a fan 10 years ago, but follows the team now? Nope.
Email #2
Did you read Bill Simmons’s column today on ESPN. He went to the Lowe vs. Pedro game last night and wrote about it.
"Lowe and Pedro started in Boston during the same season (1998; Lowe had made a few appearances in '97) and departed for free agency during the same winter (2004). During the Greatest Sports Comeback Of All Time (also known as the 2004 ALCS), Lowe started Games 4 and 7, Pedro started Game 5, and both of them won games in St. Louis to clinch the World Series. And both of them left Boston with legacies of sorts: Pedro as the modern-day Koufax, a once-in-a-generation starter who passed through town like a comet, the guy we never fully appreciated until he was gone; Lowe as the real-life Sam "Mayday" Malone, an affable, likable, irresponsible, roller-coaster ride of a pitcher who loved the nightlife and had a knack for coming up big when it mattered."
I don't buy the Pedro part. I definitely appreciated Pedro will he was here. Every start. I knew how great he was in his prime WHILE I was watching him and didn't need him to leave to appreciate it. In fact, I appreciate him probably less now that I know the full scope of everything. I appreciated him MORE when he was dealing every 5th day in his absolute prime.
I totally agree with this. I’m done saying bad stuff about Simmons but people read him on a national level and probably think everything he says about Boston fans is the absolute truth. It’s asinine to say Pedro wasn’t appreciated here when he pitched. It makes Red Sox fans look like idiots. How could you not appreciate him?