Random Thoughts
1. The question of the week for Stoolies to ponder is who is a bigger joke: Bode Miller or Lindsey Jacob-Ellis? These were arguably the two most hyped up American athletes before the Olympic Games, and both have disgraced the flag. Bode Miller, of course, has done nothing but suck with one pathetic performance after another. Forget winning a medal, this guy can’t even finish a freaking race. Don’t worry though, according to www.Joinbode.com, sports aren’t about winning, it’s just about doing the best you can. Whatever Bode. Meanwhile Lindsey Jacob-Ellis managed to squander a sure gold medal by trying to show off right before the finish line of her race only to crash and let the 2nd place rider zoom past her for the victory. Jacob-Ellis’s hot-dogging maneuver will have to go down as the worst premature celebration in the history of sports. So this begs the question of who is the bigger joke? I think it has to be Bode Miller. At least Jacob-Ellis finished her event and still won a medal. And it was clearly a fluke that she lost. If I could get even money on her tomorrow in the same event, I’d bet the house on her. She is clearly the best female snowboarder in the world, but just got greedy and paid the price in spades. Bode Miller, on the other hand, is the definition of a fraud. The guy can’t even make it down the freaking hill. And I feel like after every time he flames out you see 3 Bode Miller commercials during the next break. I mean can’t Nike pull these things off the air already? It’s got to be killing them.
2. Sticking with Bode Miller for a minute, he was quoted in an Italian newspaper saying the following things yesterday.
“Fame is a poison. “I lived better when I was a nobody.” “It is other people who want me to win medals.” “I could give up tomorrow without having the slightest regret. I could keep away from this world for a year and then perhaps start to feel the desire to prove something to myself again.”
Sport was born clean and would remain so if it was about just competing for the fun of it, but the media and the public corrupt it because of the pressure they create,” fumed the Franconia, N.H., fun guy.
Any athlete who isn’t doing well is left in the corner, nobody asks for their autograph and they’re left out in the cold. However, those who win things are regarded as symbols. This pressure is inhumane, born out of an athlete’s need to be No. 1.”
Again all I have to say about this is give back all your endorsement money and I’ll stop taking shots at you. But until Bode does that, he has to be considered the biggest freaking hypocrite in the world. Bode Miller has no problem taking all the cash that comes along with winning and the expectation of winning, but he wants none of the responsibility. Wake up dude. We don’t live in a world of unicorns and flying dragons.
3. Anybody see the celebrity All-Star basketball game this weekend? I’m not exaggerating when I say it was the worst group of celebrities I’ve ever seen in my life. I feel like the local YMCA could have pulled together a better event than the NBA. Here is just a sampling of some of the dudes who somehow got the invite to this thing. 1. The guy who is going to play Superman in the next Superman movie who nobody has heard of yet. 2. Bow Wow. 3. Nick Cannon. 3. Andrew Firestone (from the Bachelor 3 years ago) 4. Two guys from Entertainment News. 5. Tony from 24. Need I go on?
Don’t you think that the powers that be at the NBA would have just cancelled this thing once they found themselves dialing up Andrew Firestone? As a side note, I wonder how Tony managed to find time to squeeze this game in with all those scenes he’s shooting for 24 this year?
4. I know I’m late on this, but I’ve got to say I was thoroughly unimpressed by Johnny Damon’s letter in the Boston Globe thanking New England fans. I’m positive that it wasn’t Johnny’s idea to take this ad out in the first place. In fact it wouldn’t surprise me if Damon didn’t even realize that this ad ran. But regardless of who is responsible it looks like they spent 7 seconds coming up with the letter. You can say whatever you want about Drew Bledsoe, but when he left town and took out a full page ad in the local papers at least he wrote a letter from his heart, for which I will always respect him. I feel the exact opposite about Damon. I wish Johnny would just admit he left for the money and shut up. The more he tries to act like he was forced out of town and that he had no choice, the more I hate him.
5. This next story is the most disturbing story I’ve heard in quite some time. Two Dunkin' Donuts employees in Barnstable have been arrested for spitting in coffee. Hopefully the punishment for this crime is public execution. Some may say this is too harsh, but we need to make an example out of these clowns. What these Dunkin Donuts employees don’t understand is that by spitting in one person’s coffee they might as well be spitting in everybody’s coffee in every Dunkin Donuts on the planet. It’s sort of like a terrorist plot designed to create fear and doubt in everybody who drinks D&D coffee. I’d rather somebody spit in my face than in my coffee. At least this way I know I’ve been hit and can take the appropriate action.
6. I readily admit that I don’t like Kobe Bryant. But I really got a kick out of his new Nike Ad. In case you missed it Kobe narrates,
'Love me or hate me, it's one or the other. Always has been. Hate my game, my swagger. Hate my fadeaway, my hunger. Hate that I'm a veteran. A champion. Hate that. Hate it with all your heart. And hate that I'm loved, for the exact same reasons."
Umm, aren’t you forgetting the giant pink elephant in the room Kobe? How about “hating you for raping a chick and buying her off to keep quiet.”?
7. Last week’s blizzard was pretty depressing because it reminded me that I’m getting old. We got a foot of light powdery snow on Sunday followed by a day of sun and relatively warm temperatures and school was cancelled in Swampscott. In other words, it was an absolutely perfect day for snow football. It was like an act of god begging people to go out and hit people. There is absolutely nothing better than snow football. Just a few years ago, it was simply a given that my buddies and I would play snow football after every major storm. We even taped a couple of the games for posterity. But now as I’m knocking on the door of 30 I haven’t played snow football in years. And worse yet I’m just as sore from shoveling as I would have been from playing tackle football for 4 straight hours. And the Cat’s in the Cradle by the pale moonlight.
8. Shaun White aka the Flying Tomato won a gold medal at the Olympics in the snowboarding half pipe. Apparently this means this pimple faced teenager is one of the best athletes in the world. You know what I have to say to Shaun White? Beat me in snow football and then come talk to me. The Olympics are such a joke. And I hope this kid isn’t getting laid because of this. Supposedly he is trying to hook up with figure skater Sasha Cohen who is so far out of his league it makes me sick. Do you think this guy is pulling ass? I mean does Carrot Top get ass? You don’t get much uglier than this guy.
9. You have to love a lawyer that speaks like this;
"Published reports that Wayne had spoken to Rick Tocchet about his concern for Janet prior to officers appearing at Wayne's house on Monday are completely ludicrous," said Gretzky's attorney, Ron Fujikawa. "It's absolute balderdash."
Who says absolute balderdash? Is this like the first thing they teach at law school? In order to be a lawyer you need to use words that are ludicrous to make it seem like you know more than everybody else?
10. According to the Inside Track Bobby Brown’s kids got into a whole lot of hot water last week after Web sites outed their less-than-wholesome profiles on the ever-popular myspace.com. The Myspace.com profile of Bobby’s 16 year old daughter LaPrincia lists her favorite alcoholic beverage as Smirnoff raspberry vodka and she entertains some personal inquiries such as: “Would you ever be an exotic dancer?” Princey also confesses to streaking, kissing a girl and skinny-dipping.
Hmm, it sucks her profile got taken off before we could add LaPrincia to our Barstool Sports promo girl list.
11. Lleyton Hewitt (Australian Tennis Player) failed to turn up to an intellectually handicapped fundraiser held in his honor last week because he was busy on the golf course, it emerged yesterday. Hewitt was to have been the star guest at the auction cruise to help intellectually disabled athletes make their way to Special Olympics World Games in China next year, but pulled out just 24 hours prior, citing a sore foot. As the cruise sailed around Sydney Harbor on Friday, the guest of honor was playing 18 holes at Terrey Hills golf course with former tennis ace Pat Rafter.
First of all you’ve got to be some sort of scumbag to blow off a bunch of mentally retarded kids for a round of golf. And second of all you got to be some sort of idiot to think that the “sore foot” excuse is going to fly. It’s not like they were asking you to run a marathon. At least do me a favor and put some time into the planning and execution of the plan. I think you owe the kids that much. I know when I used to skip work at The Yankee Group to go golfing I’d show up in a suit and tie and make sure everybody saw me before I’d hit the links.
12. There was a story on the Inside Track yesterday about a couple who was trying to break the Guinness Book World record for the world’s longest blind date. Keith Santarelli, 28, an MIT grad student, and Tara Fortunato were set up by Kiss 108 and Date.com. My favorite part of the story was when Keith Santerelli said despite the bad rap MIT guys get, he doesn’t have any problem scoring dates. “It’s like it’s a disease, not a school,” he joked.
I’ve got a newsflash for MIT Face. Guys who don’t have any problems getting dates don’t have Date.com set them up for the world’s longest blind date. And their blind dates don’t say they promised to take their best friend on the record-breaking reward trip to Miami 2 seconds into the date. Apparently MIT guys aren’t that smart after all.
13. Did people see those Chinese Figure Skaters who crashed during their routine and left the ice because the chick was injured only to return 2 hours later and continue the program like nothing ever happened and went on to win the Silver Medal? What the hell was that? That may have been the strangest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. It’s like a boxer getting knocked down and walking into the locker room for an hour to regain his senses and then continuing the fight. Or a NASCAR Driver crashing his car and halting the race until he got a brand new car to continue in. It’s insanity and if I’m ever called into court to argue why the Olympics are a joke this would be exhibit A. Exhibit B may be the fact that Bode Miller doesn’t seem to care if he wins or loses. You play to win the game.
14. The big news in Hollywood is that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are all but over. The couple is still denying it but like with any rumor in Hollywood, where there is smoke there is fire. No word yet on whether Katie Holmes will be taken off the Dead to the Stool list when it becomes official.
15. So Terrell Owens is going to star in his own reality show. I’m sure everybody is saying this is crazy, but let’s be honest here. If this is done correctly this would be fascinating television. The guy is an absolute train wreck. You can say whatever you want about Terrell Owens, but you can’t say he is boring. And he is just stupid enough not to tone his act down just because cameras are following him everywhere. He may be the perfect reality TV specimen.
16. Just last week I wrote a random thought saying that 24 had Jumped the Shark. Today the London Sun reports that KIEFER SUTHERLAND is considering making a spoof film version of his hit TV show 24. The award-winning actor, who plays federal agent Jack Bauer in the drama, says there were so many hilarious blunders while filming the popular series, that an Airplane-style movie would be a good idea. Let me say this: If Kiefer Sutherland creates an Airplane-style 24 movie this will go down as the greatest career extending move since the Hulkster turned evil and started the NWO. It is perfect timing.
17. The Final 24 contestants are all set on American Idol. And for the first time since Kelly Clarkson, I think we have a clear superstar in the mix. I’m talking about Taylor Hix. This is the guy with the grey hair. He is a flat out superstar. He just has that special “it” factor that is impossible to put your finger on. You can’t learn it, you can’t teach it and you can’t buy it. You can only be born with it and Taylor Hix has it. He is my pick to be the next American Idol and if he doesn’t win it will only be because 12 year old girls won’t be voting for him. But I’d pay to see him perform and those are fighting words. As a side note, this is clearly the best looking female contingency in the history of American Idol and it’s not even close. I’d argue that 3 of the chicks this year are prettier than any of the girls from past seasons. Simon really stepped on the sex pot pedal.
18. I’ll admit it. I watched fat camp yesterday on MTV. And if this is what fat camp is all about then we need to get Sergeant Slaughter in there whipping these kids into shape. I’m not even sure these kids realized why they were there in the first place. Who cares about being fat when everybody else around you is just as huge and nobody is making you do wind sprints? Fat Camp was just like Laguna Beach except with fat people. And who wants to watch that? I wanted to see pain and suffering, not fat kids kissing each other. Although it is sort of a fun game to look at the fat girls and decide which ones would look good if they dropped 20 pounds. And no I have nothing against fat kids. It just seems ridiculous to have a show called fat camp that doesn’t center around losing weight.
19. Sticking with new MTV TV Shows, what’s the deal with Wild and Out? I don’t understand what’s going on half the time but I still like it. And frankly I’m not even sure I’m allowed to like it since I’m a white guy. It looks like MTV high jacked the show from BET or something. Also, is this an upgrade for Nick Cannon? I haven’t decided yet. But if Little John releases a CD of London Bridge’s Falling Down, I’ll buy it tomorrow.
20. Ozzie Guillen, in an interview with Sports Illustrated, targeted A-Rod's much-publicized back and forth decision whether to play in the World Baseball Classic for the Dominican Republic or United States. "Alex was kissing Latino people's asses," Guillen, who's from Venezuela, said in the most recent issue of Sports Illustrated. "He knew he wasn't going to play for the Dominicans; he's not a Dominican!" Rodriguez, who has dual citizenship in the Dominican Republic and United States, decided to play for the American squad after once saying he wasn't going to play in the WBC because choosing a team was too difficult. Guillen apparently found his wishy-washy attitude to be disingenuous. "I hate hypocrites: He's full of [expletive]," Guillen told Sports Illustrated. "The Dominican team doesn't need his ass. It's the same with [Nomar] Garciaparra playing for Mexico. Garciaparra only knows Cancun because he went to visit."
Ozzie tell me you didn’t do me like that! I was bobbing my head and screaming out “Amen” like I was at a revival as I was reading you rip A-Rod only to get hit over the head with a sledgehammer at the end of your quote. Nomar knows Mexico. He’s all about it. I don’t know how you could be so right about one guy and so wrong about another. Nomar is flawless.
Reader Email
Email #1
Prez, Let me try to clear something up, it’s the press and the media that are hyping Bode to the masses it’s not his choice. Also, I have to say that your perspective of the Olympics in regard to the ‘bigger picture’ of ski racing is way off, so let me make an analogy for you. Look at the World Cup ski season as a major league baseball season where your cumulative victories over the whole season determine your greatness. The Olympics would be the equivalent of the home run derby contest means nothing for your career or actual stats but gives the public some excitement. Another parallel can be drawn your saying that Bode is taking it easy? If he was then he wouldn’t even make the top 30. A race is over in less than 2 minutes, sometimes under 60 seconds, and you’re really not racing each other, but only the clock. In this way Bode is different than most racers he doesn’t play it safe and try to beat the other guys, he goes for it all every time. Imagine him as a hitter that swings for the fences EVERY time, his average may not be that great, but his home run total is up and the tiniest fraction is the difference between popping it up and going yard. I know random thoughts are just that and made for entertainment purposes, but thought you might want more insight before you go trashing and bad mouthing people and things you know nothing about.
Pete
First of all, I never accused Bode Miller of taking it easy. I accused him of sucking which is exactly what he has done so far in the Olympics. And I didn’t see the media or the masses holding a gun to his head when he negotiated all his huge endorsement deals that made him millions on the basis that he would dominate the Olympics. He wasn’t getting these deals for past accomplishments. In fact, I guarantee that Bode Miller has made more money through endorsements in the United States for the Olympics this year than the rest of his career combined. It’s great for you to sit here and compare the World Cup season to the MLB season, but that’s garbage because 99.9% of American don’t give a rat’s ass about professional skiing. Do you think Nike would be running their Bode Miller campaign on ESPN and every other network if it weren’t for the Olympics? So to sit here and say the Olympics are just another event is a joke. You and Bode should wake up to reality. It’s like he robbed a bank.