Random Thoughts
1. I know it’s a little late to comment about Manny Gate 14, but I feel like I need to weigh in on it. Not surprisingly it ended the same way the previous 13 Manny Gates have ended. To quote Manny: "I'm just here to play and win. I'm a gangster." "I'm still here. I'm here to win. I'm here to help this team win for 2005." Hmm, did anybody not see this coming? You can set your watch to when Manny is going to have a Manny episode. It’s inevitable just like the turning of the seasons. And the situation gets resolved the same exact way every time. Everybody calms down a bit, puts on a happy face and talks about winning the World Series. This will be the company line until Manny takes his next visit to Mannyland in a few months. And what people have got to remember is that in between these fantastic voyages he’ll hit 20 HR’s and knock in 75 runs. Therefore, while fans don’t have to like when Manny pulls his Manny stunts, there is no point in getting your panties in a bunch about it either. Sure it’s a cliché to say it’s just Manny being Manny, but that’s the truth of the matter.
2. Sticking with weirdo professional athletes, Ricky Williams is back with the Miami Dolphins. I actually like Ricky Williams as a person. I think he is one of the more sincere professional athletes out there. The guy obviously has some issues, but he’s generally pretty up front about them. I don’t think anything he says or does is an act and that’s what I like about him. Did he screw over his team last year? Absolutely. But in what other profession can a guy quit if he hates it? Ricky Williams hated football. He probably still does, but can’t afford not to play. Quitting because you hate the sport is much better than holding out. Regardless, I don’t know if I’d want him on my team, but I guess that’s a discussion for fantasy draft day. I think he is a 5th round pick. If the Fins didn’t draft Ronnie Brown he’d be a late 1st rounder.
3. I’m sold on Mike FM. I love the music they play. And I’d declare them the best FM channel in Boston if they’d just quit it with those one liner commercials. I feel like I’m at a bad comedy club when they go to commercial break and it actually reminds me to change the channel. What other radio station has commercials that stick out as being horrendous? I’m sure I’m not the only one who has noticed this.
4. NEW YORK --TV personality Brooke Burke and her husband, Garth Fisher, have called it quits. The co-host of CBS's "Rock Star: INXS" and Fisher announced their separation in a statement issued to People magazine Wednesday. The couple, who have been married since 2001, have two children. First of all this just proves that famous people can’t stay married to non famous people. It’s impossible and it will be why Jessica Simpson eventually dumps Nick Lachey. Second, this is big news for the Barstool Sports family and I’m not talking about me. I force the First Lady to watch Rock Star INXS every week and I’ve noticed that she can’t help but comment on how smoking hot Brook Burke is every single show. I’ve slowly become convinced that this would be the one woman in America who she’d have a threesome with. And now this is one step closer to happening. By the way this random thought may get me killed.
5. KATE MOSS will get a nice big, fat check from a British tabloid that alleged in a story in January that the waifish supermodel had collapsed into a coma after snorting cocaine during a trip to Spain in 2001. Moss sued for libel, got the paper to admit the allegations were untrue and will be collecting “a substantial figure in damages,” said her solicitor, Gerard Tyrrell. So you can get sued for making stuff up about people and printing it in a newspaper huh? Duly noted.
6. Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie both signed on for another season of the Simple Life with Fox. I’ve never watched this show, but I‘ll admit I’m a little curious now. It just seems like the fact that Paris and Nicole hate each other could spice things up. In April, Hilton issued a terse statement saying it was "no big secret that Nicole and I are no longer friends. Nicole knows what she did, and that's all I'm ever going to say about it." I’ve been wondering for 6 months now what Ritchie did to Paris and I’m hoping it’s sexual and I’m hoping it comes out on the Simple Life. As a side note, my money would be on Nicole Ritchie in a blood bath.
7. There is no other sport in America where more bizarre rules and rulings take place than on a Little League Field. Methuen was playing a team from Seekonk in the LL Tournament and apparently the catcher and pitcher from Methuen spoke little to no English. Therefore the assistant coach from Methuen was speaking to his pitcher in Spanish. And this is where it gets good. The Umpire who can’t understand what is being said calls time out and bans Spanish from being spoken the rest of the game. Hmm, that’s an interesting take on the rule book. This naturally pisses off the Methuen assistant coach who in a true show of leadership for his 12 year old boys decides he‘s had enough and leaves. Meanwhile Methuen, who built a 3-1 lead during the bilingual innings, goes on to lose 10-6. Little League officials say they can't do anything to reverse what happened because the coach didn't file a protest during the game. Worse they aren't going to discipline the ump because “people make mistakes.” People make mistakes? People kill people too, but they don’t get away with it under the guise of “people make mistakes.” How can you forbid a foreign language from being spoken in a baseball game? Taiwan still would have zero little league titles if that rule were enforced (or the age limit for that matter). Regardless, this umpire must be either the dumbest human being on the planet or the most bigoted person in America. And I know it’s easy to say that Methuen would have lost the game no matter what language they were speaking, but I’m not so sure of that. I think a legitimate argument can be made that a 12 year old kid can get rattled if he’s suddenly not allowed to speak with anybody during a baseball game.
8. So Rafael Palmeiro tested positive for steroids. Of all the people to get busted, MLB couldn’t have picked a worse guy. Everyone bought Palmeiro's testimony during the Congressional Hearings. Everyone. He was the good guy. He was the guy who didn't dodge the questions. He was the guy who seemed outraged that anybody would even dare accuse him of steroid use. Now, I can't wait to hear from his legal camp what actually caused the test to be positive. It must have been a supplement in his morning cereal, or maybe a guy from the donut shop put something in his iced coffee, but he sure as sh*t didn't take steroids or any substance related. By the time his lawyers are done with this you know there'll be some insane story about an evil dwarf that shot him up in the middle of the night or a magic fairy that slipped steroids into his Wheaties. But here's my best guess on what they’ll say: “ I’m very saddened to hear these reports, blah blah blah, reserve judgment until we know more, blah blah blah, can't speak for Mr. Palmeiro, blah blah blah, we take every case seriously, blah blah blah, I believe that children are the future, teach them well and let them lead the way, blah blah blah. Maybe it was the Viagra, blah blah blah.”
9. "If Wade Boggs batted behind Wade Boggs, Wade Boggs would drive in a hundred runs every year." – Wade Boggs
10. Laguna Beach Season II on MTV is in full swing and I’ll admit that I’m still confused. There are times when I’m convinced that this thing is 100% fake and there are times that I’m convinced it’s 100% real. Right now I’m leaning towards a 50/50 split. Something smells but I just don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the fact that it doesn’t look like any other reality TV show in the history of reality TV. It looks more like a movie than anything else. But then there are aspects of the show that make it seem like it is 100% true like the fact that LO (LC’s best friend) clearly put on the freshman 15 when she went to college. Also, the fact that Kristin is getting nailed by Matt Leinhart makes it seem legitimate. I just don’t know whether to makes heads or tails of it.
11. Forbes has ranked Boston as the No. 2 city for singles, behind No. 1 Denver and ahead of New York, which landed at the No. 8 spot. What do people think of this ranking? I think it’s a bunch of crap. Whoever came up with this list must have never actually lived in Beantown. Am I the only one that thinks Boston is a real hard city to meet chicks? Where is a single man supposed to go? Faneuil Hall? Revere Beach? Euroclubs? There is very little middle ground. You either go out to places where a fight breaks out if you look at a chick the wrong way or to places where you can’t get in unless you are paying in Euros. There may be lots of chicks floating around but meeting them is an entirely different story. Why do you think I had to start Barstool Sports? I force the girls to come to me. It’s freaking brilliant.
12. Richard Seymour has signed a new deal with the Pats and ended his holdout. And this once again proves why the Patriots are the best franchise in sports. Nothing is black and white with the Pats. Every decision that they make is based on what the best decision is at that particular point and time. Everybody always says that the Pats don’t negotiate with hold outs. Obviously that’s not true. The facts are that the Pats will do whatever is necessary to put the best team on the field regardless of personal feelings. And in this case they needed to get Richard Seymour to camp so they made it happen. But don’t think for a second that this sets the precedent and that they’ll negotiate with the next guy. The bottom line is that the Patriots simply make the best business decision available to them when dealing with players and they did it again this time.
13. There is nothing that gets me more upset than when one of my chick flick competitors decides that they are going to put out an issue dedicated towards men. This time it is Stuff@Night with their “Guy Issue.” If you could get thrown in jail for misrepresentation the entire staff at Stuff@Night would be tossed in the clink. The front page naturally is a rip off on our front page right down to the crotch shot. I must admit that it’s not all bad though. To Stuff’s credit they did manage to put in lots of stuff that the typical guy would be interested in. Take for example the “What’s Hot” section which is the very first part of the magazine. I don’t know what I would have done if they didn’t inform me of the “Frizz-O-Meter.” The Frizz-O-Meter is a product launched by John Frieda Professional Hair Care and AccuWeather to warn people about humid weather days that are bad for your hair. I honestly don’t know how I lived without knowing about this invention. I also liked the layout of the dude in boxer shorts with pierced nipples. Thank god they included a gratuitous close- up of his package. Now this is the type of stuff I want to read in a Men’s magazine. I don’t want to see pictures of chick’s asses and read about sports, I want to see guy’s packages and hear about the Frizz-O-Meter. HA HA HA! Stuff@Night, please.
14. According to the Inside Track, Derek Lowe has abandoned his heartbroken wife and kids and moved in with a TV reporter who covers his new team, the Los Angeles Dodgers. Trinka Lowe told the Track that Lowe “left on a road trip and he called me from the road and said, ‘I'm not happy and I can't do this anymore.’ It was right out of the blue. I said ‘Whatever the problems are let's work it out. I will do anything, let's go to counseling, we have these kids.’ And he said, ‘I don't want to work it out. I'm through.’” Trinka, who was with Derek for 11 years, said her hubby's reluctance to try to repair the relationship made her think that “there was someone else involved.” “He told me he wanted me gone when he got back from the next road trip,” she said. Trinka said she told her husband that she was going to wait four days to leave because she had invited friends from Boston and her brother to visit. “So when he got back from the trip he went and moved in with the TV reporters,” she said. Trinka said she knows this because when Derek came over to see the kids, he was driving the reporters' car, and when he left, Trinka had him followed. Trinka said she knows that “lying and cheating are relatively prevalent” in baseball but she believes Derek might not have left her if they were still in the Hub. “The Red Sox are more family-oriented,” she said, “they have more family values.”
Okay, my first question is did Trinka Lowe jump in the bullpen car to follow DLowe to the female reporters’ house and did she knock on the door only to interrupt a dinner party? Second, does Trinka Lowe really think Derek wasn’t cheating on her in Boston? All baseball players cheat. All of them. All professional athletes cheat. All of them with the exception of Doug Christie whose wife is with him at all times. I respect Trinka for coming forward and trashing her husband, but I don’t think we need her to enlighten us that ball players are scumbags. It’s just part of the deal. The real question for all the ladies out there is would you rather marry a rich famous pro athlete who cheats on you all the time or marry a working slob who is faithful? Because you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Hmm, this smells like a Ms. Barstool question.
15. I don’t know who took my advice and started watching Rock Star INXS, but you’re missing out on one of the great vocal performances of our generation by Jordis. Jordis laid it down last week. Simply amazing. She is worth the price of admission by herself. I never buy CD's of new artists. NEVER. I wait until they are proven. However, I'd by a Jordis CD tomorrow. I'm mesmerized by her. How can somebody this good come from nowhere? Whatever she wants to sing she sings. High notes, low notes. I mean how can a chick this good come from nowhere? The only problem is that I am rooting for her to somehow not win the contest because she’s musically way past INXS. They can’t handle her and I don’t want them holding her down.
16. The big news in Salem last week was that a lemonade stand run by a 9 year old kid and his 11 year old neighbor is back in business. The stand was shut down after an angry Sausage vendor lodged a complaint against his upstart rivals citing that they were operating without a valid vendor’s license. The Salem police responded to this emergency with vigor as they immediately descended upon the illegal lemonade stand and shut it’s ass down. Unfortunately for the sausage vendor once the newspapers got a hold of this story, public outcry forced the police to overturn their decision and allow the kids to resume slinging lemonade. And so the turf war in Salem continues to rage on. The Sausage vendor vs. the 9 year old kid’s lemonade stand in a battle for street supremacy in the Witch City. Stay tuned.
17. Sticking with stories from the North Shore, Lynn Police have a suspect in custody after an alleged road rage incident erupted into gunfire on Nahant Street, leaving a mother and son with serious injuries. The only thing I have to say about this story is that if Lynn only changed their name to Ocean Park like they were talking about last year this crap wouldn’t happen.
18. I love the Boston Herald’s Inside Track. The following may be my favorite story yet from these chicks. Apparently John Dennis is pissed at Ryen Russillo of 1510. And it’s not because of something he said on the radio. Nope Dennis is pissed because Russillo tried to put the moves on his daughter Emily at a party (Bonus points for whoever can find a picture of this chick). For his part, Russillo doesn’t think he did anything wrong: “I refused to apologize because he wasn't there and didn't have all the facts,” Ryen told the Track. “We talked again and now we're done with this. I have bigger things out there to think about right now and I don't need the distraction. He's a schmuck.” HA! HA! HA! John Dennis didn’t have all the facts? Emily Dennis is a single chick? Russillo works for 1510. Callahan is on WEEI. Who wouldn’t want to bang the daughter of their competition? The only shame in this story is that Russillo failed. Emily Dennis just better hope she never shows up at a Barstool Party because we’ll be sending fighter pilots in on her all night long. And John Dennis can calm down. Don’t have your daughter go to parties if you don’t want her to be approached by the likes of Ryen Russillo.
19. I’m a North Shore guy. Unfortunately the First Lady grew up on the South Shore. Yeah, I’ll admit it; I’m biased against the South Shore. It just seems like all the hicks in MA live there. But since I’m a man who speaks the truth, I have to come clean about something that I am impressed by on the South Shore; something that we don’t have in the NEC. I’m jealous of Mary Lou’s coffee. If you grew up on the North Shore, I’m sure you have no clue what I’m talking about because I didn’t know this chain existed either until roughly a month ago. Essentially Mary Lou’s coffee is a coffee chain that prides itself on hiring teenage chicks who dress in pink to serve the best coffee in the state. I never thought I’d choose anything over Dunkin Donuts but Mary Lou’s has it beat. And it’s not because of the teenage chicks that work there either because they’re not nearly as hot as they think they are. The coffee is excellent plain and simple. So next time you get stuck on the South Shore don’t be afraid to look for the giant pink cups of Mary Lou’s. It almost makes the South Shore bearable.
Reader Email
Email #1
Prez, Regarding your question about what caused the tiff between the 2 Simps on the Stupid Life, I heard that Idiot Blonde came home one night and the Ugly Girl was showing a bunch of people one of the Idiot Blonde's sex tapes. Idiot Blonde's mother alluded to it on a radio show.
Dan K
Hmm, I’ve got to side with Ritchie on this one. It seems like showing One Night In Paris at a party isn’t that big of a deal. It’s as American as Apple Pie. As a side note, I think Nicole Ritchie is better looking than Paris Hiltion.
Email #2
Hey Prez, That show Laguna Beach is completely fake. I remember when it came out there was an article in the Herald about it. They shot it on a special type of film to make it feel like it is a reality show. It’s also “loosely” scripted to make it feel like a reality show. In all reality though, those chicks are real hot. Hope that clears it up for you a little bit.
-Scott Sargent
It sort of clears things up. I definitely believe the claim that the show is scripted. It would explain a lot. But I’m not sure why they’d use the special film because the special film makes it seem staged as opposed to real. It seems they should be using Blair Witch photography if they want to trick people.