Random Thoughts
1. Charlotte.com - NASCAR fans might seem rabid, but are they actually contagious? Getting a hepatitis shot is standard procedure for travelers to parts of Africa and Asia, but some congressional aides were instructed to get immunized before going to Lowe's Motor Speedway in Concord and the racetrack in Talladega, Ala.Rep. Robin Hayes, a Republican from Concord, took umbrage when he heard about it. "I have been to numerous NASCAR races, and the folks who attend these events certainly do not pose any health hazard to congressional staffers or anyone else," Hayes added.
It’s about fucking time the Government starts doing something to help this country. Hopefully this is just the first step. I’ve been clamoring for legislation like this for years. It’s just flat out stupid to allow Rednecks to go to NASCAR events and spread their diseases all over the place. I don’t even think NASCAR fans should be allowed to procreate. And I know it sounds drastic but I’d be in favor of bombing all NASCAR events just to wipe out all the people who like it. It would be the best thing for the future of this country. I’m sure we could blame it on Al Qaeda and nobody would think twice. People think I’m joking but NASCAR is slowly taking over this country. I mean you can’t even go to Fenway now without being exposed to NASCAR. One second you’re at a baseball game and the next thing you know you’re in the hospital with Hep C. I’m telling you we need to put a stop to this before it’s too late.
2. Boston.com - The roar of subway cars and chords of amateur musicians at the T station will now face competition from Neil Diamond songs, 1970s trivia, and live playoff updates from Fenway Park. It comes from T-Radio, an experiment that began yesterday at three stations and may someday broadcast on every subway platform in Eastern Massachusetts. The volume went up and down erratically in the first few minutes, drowning out conversation. But Grabauskas (T Dude) promised a discreet radio station that would allow people to talk and think if they so choose. He said microphones that will be installed throughout the system can pick up ambient noise levels and adjust the broadcast volume accordingly. The rest of the play list: top 40, Motown, classic rock, Latin pop. In between, local reporters and personalities, including one reporter from the Globe, will offer celebrity gossip, suggestions for tourists, dining tips, and advice for the weekend.
T Radio huh? I’m not sure how I feel about this. I guess my initial reaction is that there are probably more pressing concerns than adding David Allen Bouche to the Park Street terminal considering the MBTA is millions of dollars in debt. I mean how about fixing the air in the underground stations so it doesn’t feel like you are suffocating to death. Or how about hiring a T Bouncer to pummel people who bring backpacks onto the train or who try to exit before the train has stopped moving? Now those are a couple causes I could get behind. In any event one thing is for sure. I don’t trust this automatic broadcast volume control system as far as I can bowl it. I mean if the MBTA can’t fix the megaphone in the train how am I supposed to trust them with operating their own radio station? Therefore it’s not even remotely surprising to hear that the sound was fluctuating erratically the first couple days. Imagine being in the terminal when this happened? People must have thought they died and went to T Hell.
3. Boston. com -- The Massachusetts State Lottery, which unveiled a $20 scratch ticket last month, is now dramatically expanding its Keno racing game and switching from virtual cars tocartoon thoroughbreds. Lottery officials said the revamped Daily Race Game would be introduced as soon as possible at the existing 220 locations where the car racing game is being played and then be rolled out to a total of 1,500 locations by April. Dan Rosenfeld, the lottery spokesman, said each location will have dual monitors, one for the regular Keno game, where players bet $1 and try to pick winning numbers, and one for the racing game, where players bet $1 and try to pick winning numbered horses.
First the casinos, now horse racing Keno. What’s next, North End Jai Alai? You know I’ve never seen a public official cater towards area degenerates like this Governor. It’s like Deval Patrick is speaking directly to me. The bottom line is that everybody knew back in the spring when it debuted that NASCAR Keno sucked and needed to be replaced with a more seductive animated Keno game. I'm not a big NASCAR guy, but it just didn’t have the same “tug” to the Keno teller like regular Keno had. It’s tough to explain. Anyway in my view horse racing Keno is going to revolutionize the economy as degenerates everywhere will be limping to their local convenience stores to try their luck at the cartoon ponies. And for those worried about it “taking away” from live racing at Suffolk, something tells me those people (pause) will be going there anyway.
4. Chicagotribune.com - A Chicago woman who became enraged after discovering her longtime boyfriend's stash of pornography shot and killed him in their South Side home over the weekend, prosecutors said.
I got to be honest. I’ve never been able to get a handle on how chicks feel about porn. I had an ex girlfriend who once found a porno in my room and she started crying and threw it at me. I feel like if there was a gun lying around she may have taken me out. And then I’ve had a girlfriend who would sit and watch porn like one of the boys as well as doing other things (ahem,ahem). What gives? How can two chicks have such a different take on something as simple as pornography? I guess the lesson here is that whenever you meet a new chick one of the first things you should do is clear up how they feel about porn. I mean getting shot to death over Debbie Does Dallas just seems like a silly way to die. I’m sure if this guy new his lady hated porn as much as she did he would have hid his stash a little bit better. Luckily for men everywhere this issue should slowly be disappearing with the advent of the Internet and websites like youporn.
Dad: "Is this heaven?"
Ray: "No. It's Youporn."
5. Boston.com - Actor Jason Biggs was back at Fenway for Game 2. He took in the action from behind the plate in Game 1. This time, Biggs took in the game from the Monster seats. Biggs said he has no favorite team but is rooting for the Sox this year. "I root for a few players, a few different teams," said Biggs, who is living locally as his co-stars in "Bachelor No. 2," now filming in Boston.
So Jason Biggs has no favorite team. He roots for a few players, a few different teams. How cute. Seems like the perfect guy to get the best tickets for Red Sox playoff games right? Honestly who the fuck is getting this guy tickets? If he bought them off scalpers than so be it. There isn’t too much I can complain about there. It’s just the nature of the beast. But I can pretty much guarantee that he didn’t pay for these. Somebody gave him these tickets. And that person should be banned from Fenway Park for at least 10 years. Listen, I’m sure Jason Biggs is a nice guy, but you just don’t give playoff tickets to a dude who roots for a few players and a few different teams. It’s a slap in the face to Red Sox fans everywhere and I take it as a personal insult.
6. Boston.com - A robbery at a credit union today in Fall River was thwarted by three female employees who pinned an alleged assailant to the ground and sat on him until police arrived, authorities said. Just before 11:30 a.m., a man with a fake firearm walked into St. Michael Credit Union on Garside Street, according to Sergeant Paul Bernier of Fall River Police. The man was later identified as Jose Dias, 34, of Fall River. "The three women got Dias to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived," Bernier said. "He is in custody, and we recovered the replica firearm."
Is this the worst robbery attempt ever? First of all why would you ever try and rob a bank with a fake gun? This makes no sense. It’s not like you don’t have to go to jail if you get busted with a fake gun. I mean if you’re going to rob a bank, don’t half ass it. Bring a real gun. It’s just common sense. I guarantee that if this guy had a real gun on him he could have shot it up in the air when those three bitches came at him and they would have scattered for cover. But instead they somehow wrestled him to the ground and sat on his ass. And that’s where the real fun began. How the fuck did this guy get let himself get pinned by 3 chicks? Listen, I don’t care whether each chick weighed 300 pds, if the cops are coming to get me there is no way I don’t manage to escape from 3 broads sitting on me. Just no way. This guy had to have given up. Maybe he thought he wouldn’t get in trouble because he had a Supersoaker 500? That’s the only possible explanation.
7. Listen I love watching the Sox celebrate as much as the next guy. I love watching Papelbon go berserk. I love watching Tina Cervasio give out free blowjobs to whoever makes eye contact with her. But having said that the celebration after the first round of the playoffs is arguably the dumbest celebration in all of sports. It’s completely and utterly ridiculous. I mean we just fucking celebrated two days ago. Do we really need to go nuts after winning the Wild Card round? There should only be two celebrations in MLB. One after you clinch a playoff spot and one after you win the World Series. I guess I can kind of deal with the celebration after winning the League Championship series, but I still think that’s overkill. Regardless there can be no debate that the Divisional Series celebration is asinine. I mean does it really make a difference whether you advance one round in the playoffs or get knocked out in the 2nd round? I think as a rule you should need to win a ring to warrant any celebration beyond making the playoffs.
8. freep.com - A Roseville High School teacher accused of having sex with her teenaged student aide last school year was arraigned on criminal sexual conduct charges today in a Clinton Township district court. Batkins, who taught French for 15 years in the district and was named Teacher of the Year in 2002, resigned over the summer. The married mother of two children, ages 14 and 21, had an affair with the 17-year-old boy from December of 2006 until the end of the last school year, police and prosecutors said. The boy’s mother brought the allegations to Roseville police in July after finding evidence of the relationship on her son’s computer. Her son told detectives he consented to sex with Batkins when he was 17 in places like her home and a car in Roseville, police said.
Bring it Janelle, you sexy bitch. I got your back. This is flat out anti cougar bigotry right here folks. Cougars can’t worry about age when stalking their prey. It’s just evolution baby. It’s like telling a Great White Shark they can’t attack a baby seal. It’s inborn. Not to mention the fact the kid she nabbed was 17 years old. We’re just lucky she didn’t dip into the elementary school ranks. The only reason this is even a crime in the first place is because she was in a position of power. But I’m not sure why that matters. Cougars always are in a position of power. All I can say is thank god they can’t strip Janelle of her Teacher of the Year award from 2002. That’ll be hanging in the rafters forever regardless of this bullshit case.
9. Boston.com - Plenty of college students grumble when they get a mediocre grade and feel that they deserved better. When Brian Marquis got a C instead of an A-minus at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, he made a federal case of it. Literally. Marquis, a 51-year-old paralegal seeking bachelor's degrees in legal studies and sociology, filed a 15-count lawsuit in US District Court in Springfield in January after a teaching assistant graded a political philosophy class on a curve and turned Marquis's A-minus into a C. Marquis contends that the university violated his civil rights and contractual rights and intentionally inflicted "emotional distress." Marquis - who salts his comments with "strike that" - acknowledged he was alarmed the C might lower his grade point average and make him less attractive to a law school. The C has rendered his transcript a "dismal record of non-achievement," his suit said. Marquis, who enrolled at UMass-Amherst in spring 2006, said he has roughly a B-plus average.
I don’t know about you, but the best part of this story for me was the fact that this guy salts his comments with “strike that”. I’ve never heard anybody do that before. I didn’t even know that was legal. So basically whenever you say something that you don’t like you can just say “strike that” and pretend you never said it? It’s brilliant if you ask me. There is no way a “C” student could pull that off. Also as much as I hate people bitching about grades, I think this guy has a legitimate gripe. I’ve always thought it was bullshit when TA’s grade papers to begin with. You don’t pay 20 grand a year to go to college and have some pimple faced fuck tell you that your paper sucks. Unfortunately he went about solving this dispute the wrong way. You don’t sue because everybody knows the legal system is for pussies. You just take a lead pipe to the TA’s kneecap and everything will take care of itself. Because if there is one thing we know about Teachers Aides, it’s that they can be bullied. You would have thought a 51 year old paralegal would have known better.
As a side note, "a dismal record of non-achievement” sums up the Stool pretty nicely.
10. Dlisted.com -Brandy'slittle brother, Ray-J,is currently working on a tell-all memoir called "Sex Machine"reports AOL Black Voices . In the memoir Ray-J will claim he's slept with over 1,000 women. Ray-J will also claim he started getting sexy at the age of 10!
Just to clarify Ray-J is the dude from the Kim Kardashian sex tape. Now I feel like whenever somebody throws out a huge number like this everybody compares it to Wilt Chamberlain’s claim that he slept with 20,000 chicks. 1,000 seems like child’s play compared to that. But Wilt was like 50 or something when he made that claim. Ray-J can’t be more than 30 years old right? Now Ray-J claims he started clanging and banging when he was 10. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and say that is true even though I couldn’t find my dick when I was that age. So that gives him roughly 20 years to nail 1,000 broads. In other words, he had to be fucking about 50 women per year. I guess it’s not that outrageous when you look at it that way? But that assumes he was banging 50 chicks as a ten year old and I think we can all agree that would be one prolific 10 year old. Either way do you think Ray J nailed 1,000 broads? I just can’t believe that is possible. Especially considering the fact it's not like this guy is famous or anything like that. It's not like he can walk into a club and chick automatically start dropping their pants. And unless you’re famous I think it's virtually impossible to make this claim. I mean does anybody know somebody who claims they’ve slept with 1,000 chicks? If anybody ever says they slept with over 100 chicks I’d give them the serious Larry David eye. I’m not saying it’s impossible by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s not a statement I’d take lightly. And by the way is it ever possible for a guy to nail too many broads? Or is it just the more the merrier? I think I’d cap off at 500 if I had the choice.
11. October 2, 2007 -- LOU Pearlman - the hog-fat, boy-band honcho who created *NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys and launched the careers of Justin Timberlake and Nick Carter - was a pervy pedophile who preyed on the young men he mentored, Vanity Fair reports. "I would absolutely say the guy was a sexual predator. All the talent knew what Lou's game was," Steve Mooney, an aspiring singer who was Pearlman's assistant, told VF'sBryan Burrough. "Some guys joked about it. I remember [one singer] asking me, 'Have you let Lou [fellate] you yet?' “Mooney said he once asked Pearlman, who was known as "Big Poppa," what it would take for him to get into a band.”I'll never forget this as long as I live. He leaned back in his chair, in his white terry cloth robe and white underwear, and spread his legs," Mooney told Burrough. "And then he said, and these were his exact words, 'You're a smart boy. Figure it out.' " Mooney added that a singer groped by Pearlman told him, "Look, if a guy wants to massage me, and I'm getting a million dollars for it, you just go along with it. It's the price you got to pay."Tim Christofore, a member of Take 5, recalls that during a sleepover at Pearlman's house, the music czar swan-dived onto his and another boy's bed and wrestled with them wearing only in a towel, which came off. "We were like, 'Ooh, Lou, that's gross.' What did I know? I was 13," Christofore told Vanity Fair. Rich Cronin, lead singer of LFO, recalled Pearlman told him of an "ancient massage technique that if I massage you and we bond in a certain way, it will strengthen your aura."
I’m totally confused. What is the story here? Is it that Lou Pearlman is a pedophile? Is that like supposed to breaking news or something? Because I always thought it was just “understood” that Sweet Lou molested all the members of his boy bands. And frankly I wouldn’t have it any other way. Lou makes you famous and in exchange you wrestle naked with him, partake in ancient massage rituals and blow him. And if you’re real lucky he lets you wear his terry cloth robe when it’s over. It’s just another day at the office with Big Poppa.
12. NYPost.com - While you may have heard that YankeesJoba Chamberlain,Tyler Clippard, Ian Kennedyand Jeff Karstens were hanging at The Plumm last week celebrating Joba's 22nd birthday, the best part was left out: The fellas were having such a good time, they took turns giving each other lap dances.
You can say whatever you want about the Yankees, but they clearly know how to party. I mean I know that when I go out with my buddies it’s not a big time night until we’re grinding our asses into each others cocks. Who do you think was the first one to get wood? My money would be on Tyler Clippard. That name just screams gay not that there is anything wrong with that. In any event if the Yankees do somehow win the World Series this year, I guess we can look forward to full out blowjobs in the locker room.
13. WOODLAND, Calif. — A dentist accused of fondling the breasts of 27 female patients is trying to keep his dental license by arguing that chest massages are an appropriate procedure in certain cases. Mark Anderson's lawyer says dental journals discuss the need to massage the pectoral muscles to treat a common jaw problem. Deputy Attorney General Jeffrey Phillips gave Lew (the judge) three new complaints, including one from a 31-year-old woman who said Anderson fondled her at least six times over two years. She took to wearing tight shirts with high necklines, "and Anderson would still get in under her shirt and bra," according to a police report.
Who is this guy, Tim Whatley or something? My first question is why would you ever fondle these chicks’ breasts when they are awake? If this was me I’d knock em out with the gas first and then proceed to massage their boobs. Just seems like common sense really. But that’s neither here nor there. What’s the deal with the chick who claims she was fondled at least six times over two years? Is this guy the only dentist in California or something? I mean after the guy plays with your tits the first time wouldn’t you find a new tooth jockey? Unless of course you sneaky dig it. That’s the only possible explanation as to why you’d keep coming back for more. I’m sure that’s what the dentist was thinking too. Mix in the fact that she started wearing tight shirts to accentuate her tits and she was basically begging for the massage. I’m telling you it’s tough out there for a dude these days with girls and their mixed signals. I mean do you want the tit massage or not?