Platonic Friendship? No such Thing
The idea for this story came from the below email exchange which actually happened last week between me and a girl I’m dating. Basically the discussion centers on whether girls and guys can be platonic friends. I know that throughout my dating life I’ve never been a huge fan of when a girlfriend of mine says she is hanging out with her guy friends for the night. I’m guessing this conversation has been at the root of many fights between couples. I think the reason that girls think there is such a thing as platonic guy friends is because they have no clue how guys really think. Therefore, I figured I’d go public with the whole story and try to clear up a couple of things that often lead to controversy in a relationship. In a nutshell, my girlfriend’s roommate Sarah had a platonic guy friend coming to visit her from N.J. for the weekend. All I knew was that a guy was coming so I assumed it was Sarah’s boyfriend…
Emily: Do you want to meet up later tonight?
Me: I thought Sarah's boyfriend was in town and you were going out them?
Emily: It’s not her boyfriend. Just a friend from home. We are leaving shortly.
Me: No such thing honey
Emily: Please... yes there are.
Me: They ever hook up?
Emily: Nope, never.
Me: Positive?
Emily: 100%
Me: Is the dude gross?
Emily: Nope
Me: Is he gay?
Emily: No!
Me: Something is weird then.
Emily: People do that all the time.
Me: No they don't.
Emily: Yes they do.. I have at least two friends like that. Nothing has ever happened and we have always been friends.
Me: Guys don't choose to hang out with girls as friends. Guys would rather hang out with guys unless they think they may get some action. It's just a fact. Unless he thinks hanging out with Sarah may lead to action with her friends.
Emily: Stop.. Why are you saying that girls are like sub-par?
Me: I'm not saying they are sub par. They are different.
Emily: So you only hang out with me cuz you know that you can sleep with me? You don't like my personality enough to just hang out???
Me: That is an unanswerable question so I choose not to answer it.
Emily: Well it’s a valid point.
Me: I think you have a great personality. I look for both, but you can't have one without the other.
Emily: You so can! There are real life examples left and right.
Me: I've never heard of it.
Emily: You live in the middle ages then.
Me: If I meet up with you guys tonight I'm going to get to the bottom of this. Is the kid short?
Emily: Nooo
Me: How old is he?
Emily: Our age.
Me: Does he have friends back home?
Emily: Yes.
Me: What kind of sneakers does he wear?
Emily: Diesel.
Me: Really?
Emily: Yeah.
Me: Oh, he’s gay then.
Emily: No he’s not!
Me: Does he like sports?
Emily: Yes.
Me: Diesel sneakers?
Emily: Yes
Me: This kid's strange.
As it turns out I did in fact meet up with Sarah and her “friend” and this is what I learned. Sarah and the platonic friend got wasted two nights in a row and slept in the same bed together each night. I’m not saying anything happened and both strongly deny that anything did, but from an outsiders perspective it certainly doesn’t look good. Since these types of situations are commonplace in the relationship world, I’ve put together a quick list of things that girls should know about guys and why we don’t like to see you go hang out with your platonic guy friends…
- Girls and Guys are different
You don’t have to be a brain surgeon to figure this one out, but it’s an important point. For some reason girls can truly just be friends with guys. They really can. On the other hand guys can’t just be friends with girls. Oh sure, guys will pretend that they are strictly platonic friends, but deep down there are generally one or two reasons that they are hanging out with a female. Number 1, the guy has a mini crush on the girl that he is hanging out with and hopes that something will develop in the future. Number 2, he is hoping that the girl brings her friends out so he can make a run at them. Therefore when a girl tells her boyfriend that a dude is just a friend she honestly believes it. Of course we know that this dude is just waiting for the right moment to break the news that he actually has feelings for your girl.
- The only reason guys go out is to find girls.
You know how girls can go out in packs to the Roxy for a night of dancing? Well, guys don’t do that. We go out in packs to go hunting. If we weren’t trying to pick up girls then we wouldn’t go out to the bars at night. We’d go to Foxwoods, the Sox game, or stay home and play cards instead. The only advantage that going out brings is the ability to see pretty girls and try to meet pretty girls. Therefore, the only possible reason we’d bring along a platonic girl friend is a selfish one. First, the platonic girl friend can help you meet other girls because it makes your pack of guy friends seem less intimidating. Second, the platonic girl friend may bring along her girl friends, which cuts your work in half. Third and maybe most importantly your buddies may not have met your “platonic” girl friend and want the opportunity to take a shot at her. In any case there is an underlying theme of some guy is going to try use the platonic girl friend to help him hook up either directly or indirectly. No guy wants his girlfriend being a pawn in this game.
- Trust has nothing to do with it
A girl who is hanging out with platonic guy friends will often say, “You don’t trust me? It takes two people to hook up.” It really has nothing to do with that. The fact is that we know guys are going to be flirting with you and trying to hook up with you all night and no guy loves the thought of that. Trust us ladies when we say that your platonic guy friend(s) just view you as another piece of ass regardless of if you have a boyfriend or not. It is the prime reason they want to hang out with you.
- Hooked up once, will hook up again
This is where I think girls may be just a bit naive. I don’t know any guy who has stayed in touch with their ex girlfriend or girls they’ve hooked up with in the past for any reason other than the belief that they will hook up with them again. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but somewhere down the line they are banking on it. From a guy’s perspective, it’s a no-brainer. You’ve clearly established the trust of a former girlfriend and you have already hooked up with her, which puts you light years ahead of where you stand with basically every other girl on the planet. It would be a shame to flush this down the toilet when you never know what tomorrow may bring.
- Guys just like hanging out with Guys
In the end it really has nothing to do with whether girls are “sub par” as Emily said in our email exchange. It’s just that no girl in the world can order a pizza, watch a football game and bust balls all day like another guy. It’s a good thing too. It’s what separates guys from girls. No matter how cool the girl is, she just can’t duplicate the dynamic that guys have. It’s not that guys don’t like hanging out with girls, but the potential to hook up is essential. If a guy meets a really cool chick and thinks he has a chance with her, that is when he will choose the girl over his buddies 100 out of 100 times.
The bottom-line is this: If any guy really wants to hang out with a girl who he has never hooked up with more than his buddies, then he has a crush on the girl. That’s not a bad thing, but let’s not kid ourselves. Therefore, any boyfriend with half a brain gets uneasy when his girlfriend says she is hanging out with dudes. We’re not saying anything will happen, but we sure as hell know the guy is hoping that something does and that is the problem.