4 Hours and 16 Minutes of Horror Revisited
The Indians Just Took A 2-1 ALCS Lead. Relax. We'll Never End Up Like This Again. 4 Hours and 16 Minutes of Horror Revisited.
The Sox dropped Game 3 of the ALCS. Big deal. Sure, a win would have been nice but let's not pretend that being down 2-1 in the ALCS against the Indians is the end of the world.
You want to know what the end of the world is? Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS. That's the end of the world. Don't even begin to tell me that losing Game 3 of the ALCS against Cleveland is even close to losing any game against the Yankees in the playoffs pre-2004. Think DiceK getting hit hard was hard to watch? Think again.
Let's revisit Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS and put everything into perspective.
This past Thursday, I decided to keep a journal of what was surely to be one of the most satisfying nights of my life. What had been intended to be a compact, 1000 word rundown of the inevitable Red Sox glory instead turned into a 2200 word suicide note. In the interest of space and the mental health of Red Sox nation, I have edited the length. However, the words themselves remain unchanged from the time I wrote them on that god-forsaken night.
6:51- I’m sitting in my apartment having turned down my friends’ offer to watch the game at a bar near Fenway. Why would I want to sit alone for the biggest night in Boston sports history? Simple. When I watch the Sox- Yanks with my friends at a bar the Sox are winless. When I sit at home, wearing an old pair of jeans and an ancient grammar school gym shirt, eating Chex Mix, the Sox are 3-0.
7:10- Harold Reynolds just brought up the fact that Tim McClelland, the homeplate umpire, was behind the plate for the George Brett pinetar game. I am officially nervous. My good/ bad omen scoreboard is tied at 1-1. Good- Hunt for Red October was on HBO today. Bad- McClelland breaks the heart of plucky underdog with archaic ruling.
7:30- Phonecall from girlfriend. She had contemplated coming over and watching the game. She was afraid that if the Sox lost and she was here that I would blame her. I laughed it off but the whole time I was thinking about how I’d get her couch out of my apartment after she jinxed the Sox, prompting our inevitable breakup. Decided not to come over. Smart girl.
8:01- I hate Karim Garcia. He’s so shifty. If I didn’t know better I could swear that I saw him throw a few sucker-punches back in the days of Jimmy Macs.
8:21- Andrew freakin’ Shue!- Is he the best Fox could do? “Hey, there’s Billy from Melrose Place, quick get the camera on him!” I rewound Tivo during the commercial to make sure that I wasn’t seeing things and there’s Shue. That’s his first appearance on network television in 10 years.
8:42- Pedro gets out of the first. Throwing in the 90’s, this game is over.
8:47- Millar just ripped a shot to right-center. The Sox are all over Clemens. Some of these hits are going to leave the yard.
8:49- TROT!!! He owns Clemens. Pedro looks ready to slit someone’s throat. Chill the champagne.
8:55- Grady, don’t get tricky. Ride Pedro until Varitek tells you otherwise. I’m shaking already and it’s only the bottom of the 2nd. I’m so happy I think I’m going to throw-up.
9:11- Commercial for the O.C. Simply riveting television.
9:19- Cowboy up, Millar! 4-0. Somewhere, Dan Duquette has a huge erection.
9:24- Nice career, Roger. Ooh, the fans gave him a standing ovation. How sweet, now can we start talking about the Sox- Marlins, Pats- Dolphins Sunday?
9:48- McCarver mentions John McNamara- never a good thing. Bad Omens 2- Good Omens 1.
9:52- I just had a small heart attack. Homerun Giambi. 4-1. Is this what Ebola feels like?
10:02- Great sign. All Great Classic’s End’s Up in Yankee Stadium. Don’t be shy with those apostrophes, fella.
10:07- Thanks to Nike for putting Michael Jordan and Derek Jeter together in a commercial. I knew I hated that company for a reason. Nice of them to remind me why.
10:09- Bottom of the 6th. This is a gigantic inning for Pedro. I’m shaking right now in large part due to the fact that I refuse to shut my windows and risk destroying the karma.
10:18- I know that Pedro looks like his old self but I would feel better if someone was in the pen. And here comes Jeff Nelson, future guest of the Massachusetts Prison System.
10:27- Nice set of pipes, Sloth.
10:37- Shot of Grady. Not doing much. Pedro looks spent. I’m going to jump out my window if the Sox can’t get out of this inning. Why, Grady, Why!!!
10:43- At this point, my TV is on mute and I am struggling to hold myself together. My stomach feels like I just put in a long day sucking down Mad Dog 20/20. No more inane commentary from McCarver or Buck. Need to focus.
10:45- God, I want Nomar to make a World Series. He looks ready to pull a Boggs tearjerker if the Sox lose.
10:49- Ortiz, I want to have your children. 5-2. Mute is working.
10:52- Holy Crap! Why is Pedro coming back out to pitch the 8th? Grady, did you not see the shots the Yankees hit? You have a bullpen that has been lights out the entire playoffs, you do know that, right? Are you really going to have Pedro throw 120 pitches just because he’s stubborn. Yank his boney ass and put in Timlin. Ominous. I love Pedro and he’s pitched a hell of a game but this is ominous.
10:59- 0-1 to Bernie. Grady, make the move before the tying run comes to the plate. 1-2. Bernie ripped one foul. If Pedro makes a mistake, Bernie’s going to make him pay. 2-2. Single. 5-3. F*cking Grady. What were you waiting for? You have a pitcher that is notoriously….holy sh*t….he’s leaving him in? If the Sox lose, I’m hunting down Grady.
11:07- I hate Grady. He’s ruined my life. That is the worst managerial job I’ve ever seen. Why would you make a guy, who can barely throw 90 pitches a game let alone 130, pitch that many when your team has 6 pitchers that are ready to go? If the Sox lose this game and the way it’s going right now, I fully expect them to, I don’t want Grady Little to be allowed back on the team plane. He has absolutely crushed me. 5-5.
At that point, I could barely breathe, let alone type. I fought on as best I could but could manage little more than a string of obscenities directed at Grady and his rural, Southern roots. I’m holding on to my full diary of the events of that night. Someday my dog may get run over or I might lose a limb in a freak Xbox accident and I’ll need something to put those minor traumas in proper prospective.