I HATE

By Dan McCarthy (Cali Boy)
feedback@barstoolsports.com
check out Cali Boy’s blog at http://jackofspades23.blogspot.com

I hate a lot of things about sports.

I hate MLB's unwillingness to adopt instant replay as an aid to the umpires. When the NFL introduced replay, the big hue and cry was "It'll slow down the game!" Baseball IS slow. The game has tons of natural stoppages, and it would take literally thirty seconds for a replay official to overturn an umpire's missed call concerning, say, Hideki Matsui, say, running out of the baseline. Hypothetically. And to anyone who says human error is part of the game: FALSE. Officials are like part of the playing field; their fallibility is a necessary evil, and anyone who has ever played high-level organized sports will say the same. Umpires are just a stopgap before it becomes feasible to install some kind of laser system to call plays.

I hate when I'm watching a football game and the TV network
steadfastly refuses to show an instant replay of a controversial play,
instead choosing to show the referees standing in a circle conferring
about it for thirty seconds. I want to see the play at least three
times again, from every angle available, in slow motion.

I hate the NFL's sudden-death overtime format. Mr. Tagliabue, please
just admit you're wrong and switch to the collegiate format now. We
won't hold a grudge.

I hate the way the small-mindedness of the people who run the
collegiate bowl system is preventing the existence of a playoff.
Look, if the Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl is a quarterfinal for the national
championship instead of a showdown between two two-loss teams, it's
generating way more revenue. There is a way to stage a playoff that
will make everyone happy. Get it done.

I hate when people complain about the lack of popularity of a sport
like college baseball or the WNBA without realizing that generally
when something isn't popular there's a very good reason. With college
baseball, it's because many of the marquee players aged 18-22 are
either already in the minors or playing in Latin America and because,
unlike NCAA football or basketball, it's not a direct pipeline to the
pros; with the WNBA, it's because it's boring and sucks. Economics,
people: if there isn't a demand for it, it won't succeed.

I hate how broadcasters have an inexplicable unwillingness to say
anything negative about college athletes, and then once the athletes
turn pro, it's open season for criticism. There's no heroism in
playing for free anymore; once you voluntarily put yourself on a
national stage, your positives AND negatives are fair game.

I hate when athletes complain about being portrayed negatively by the
media when the reality is just that they are completely unaware of
what is socially acceptable behavior. Actually, I just hate Terrell
Owens.

I hate the idea that as long as an umpire is consistent for both teams
with his strike zone, it's okay. Yes, the high strike does exist.
No, there is no imaginary line three inches off the plate that is the
outside edge of the zone. It's not an Impressionist painting; there
are precise rules governing it and they should be universally
followed.

I hate the NBA's need to play music in arenas during every available
second of the game. It's asking a lot now for the PA system to stop
blaring Ludacris once the ball crosses midcourt. Sooner or later
they're actually going to have him performing live while the game is
going on.

I hate reporters who think athletes signed a contract at some point
saying they have to speak to the media. In how many jobs is it
practically a requirement to undergo biweekly grillings that will
later be aired nationwide?

I hate ESPN.com for taking away the "Race" feature on the MLB
standings page. The "Race" feature pulls up a graph that tracks the
number of games a team is above/below .500 as the year goes on, and is
an easily readable summary of a team's winning and losing streaks. I
brought this up while talking to my friend Glenn the other night when
we were at Clery's in Brookline. He immediately knew exactly what I
was talking about and was equally enraged about it, and my girlfriend
looked at us like we were crazy. Also, Glenn pointed out that it would
be incredibly easy to color-coordinate the graph lines with the teams
they represent (say, A's=green and Giants=orange), but ESPN still
didn't do it. It's the little things.

I hate Skip Bayless for being a contrarian dick and never giving
credit to an athlete for any accomplishment, ever; for trying
desperately to make every trivial issue into a moralistic debate; for
being a large part of the reason Congress is wasting time talking
about a steroid "epidemic;" and for co-hosting a show with Woody "I
misspelled 'steroids' as 'steriods' on national television" Paige.
What makes me the angriest is when Bayless picks an outlandishly
moronic straw-man argument like "Lance Armstrong is the greatest
athlete in the history of sports," builds it up like thousands of
people are clamoring in support of it, and then argues against it like
he's somehow standing against the tide of ignorance.

I hate the fact that no matter where you sit in the stadium, the
cheerleaders are shooting T-shirts at the opposite side.

I hate the knowledge that as soon as I publish this column, I will
think of at least ten important things I left off the list.