From Her Perspective

Work Romance
By Kati Cawley
feedback@barstoolsports.com

Most of us spend at least one-third of our day in a cubicle, breathing recycled air, wearing wrinkly pants that we’re too lazy to wake up five minutes early to iron (or wait, maybe that’s just me…), dodging responsibility and wondering how on earth we ended up here instead of the front office at Fenway, Vogue or some other awesome job we were sure we’d get when we imagined our futures at the age of seventeen. Of course you have lots of time to let your mind wander… right over to the next cube, where the blonde in the white pants keeps smiling at you as she talks to yet another jerk client on the phone.

There are two pretty distinct camps when it comes to office romance – those who are for it and, obviously those who are against it. And you can make strong arguments for both sides. On one hand, what if it doesn’t work out and things get awkward? On the other, what if you meet the love of your life among the stale coffee and PTS reports? Should you be denied just because of standard convention?

As someone who, in the course of one job, engaged in three office “romances”, (shut up, I’m not a slut) I feel like I am a pretty good authority on the subject. There are things I would have done differently and things I think I handled well. But I would advise that you think very carefully about what you want to happen, and the potential consequences.

Many of us work in environments with lots of people our own age, and it would follow that we would spend time outside of work with them, and that usually involves alcohol. Inevitably, the girl who works at the front desk with the horse teeth doesn’t look so bad after a few Jack and Cokes. The next thing you know, you’re facedown on her twin bed, ready to pass out while she cries and tells you that she is so happy that her first time was with someone she could really love.

This is a situation you probably want to avoid. Actually any hook up that involves someone that you wouldn’t even talk to sober, should be avoided. But sometimes we can’t help it. So the best thing to do “the morning after” is to be honest, but try not to make her mad – the last thing you need is a work-stalker. Tell her you think she’s a great person but you’re just not comfortable with office romance. Or that you don’t date girls with horse teeth. Kidding, of course. Just be sure she doesn’t see you leaving the next afternoon with Hot Blonde in White Pants – that could get ugly. You don’t want to make any waves, especially if you get involved with a superior. I’ll get into that next.

I would say that getting involved with a supervisor or anyone in a position higher than yours is a mistake unless you’re pretty damn sure it’s going to work out. Otherwise, your job may come into question, and no sex is worth that. At least, I don’t think so.

It’s also sketchy territory when you ask out someone under you (snicker, snicker). She may feel compelled to go out with you, even if she doesn’t like you, because she doesn’t want to jeopardize her position. She may also call HR on your ass for sexual harassment. Best to stick with a girl who is either a peer or, better yet, works in a different department.

If you do want to ask a girl out from work that you actually do like without the Whiskey Goggles. It’s important to do a little recon to save yourself from any potentially embarrassing situations. For example, finding out whether or not she is in a relationship is key. It’s also good to know where she stands in terms of everyone else in the office. I was unaware that the guy I was hooking up with was also hooking up with another girl in the office, and, worse, he really liked her. Me, not so much. This was a key piece of information that would have been helpful to know before I made a fool of myself. Inevitably, we ended up in a huge blow-out and never spoke to one another again. It made things incredibly awkward and I couldn’t have been happier when he left the company a few months later. You’ll want to avoid this situation at all costs.

Once you have the facts, it’s time to make a move. If you’re not sure if she’s interested,
be casual. The only thing worse than an awkward date with a coworker is being shot down by one. You don’t have to let on right away that you like her if you’re unsure. See where it goes and work from there. It’s a classic high-school move, for sure, that’s okay in this situation. Work is sort of like high-school anyway, with all of the cliques and gossip and backstabbing. It’s fine to revert a little.

The worst part of the whole Work Romance thing is that if it doesn’t work out in the end, you’re stuck seeing her for the duration of your employment. And this might be okay. You both may realize that it just wouldn’t work out and be cool with it. However, more often than not, one person is ready to jump ship and the other is clinging for dear life. In this situation, treat her just like you did with horse teeth – let her down gently and respectfully. You don’t want a desktop full of hate emails or find your tires slashed when you leave the office.

If you do start dating a co-worker, you two also have to decide if and when you want to go public with your romance. But expect to be gossiped about endlessly until the next scandal breaks. You know you’d do the same thing.

I know a lot of very happy couples that have met through work, and I have had experience with utter disaster. Hopefully, you’ll at least fall somewhere in the middle and, if you’re very lucky, work will end up being the best part of your day. Well, second best… yeah, Einstein, I’m talking about sex. Go have fun.