From Her Perspective

By Catherine Sparks
feedback@barstoolsports.com

Editors Note: Some may say this week’s From Her Perspective is a bit too graphic. Personally I think most guys will find this article interesting so we went with it. But if you’re not of legal age please don’t read it. Or read it and don’t tell anybody that you did read it. Regardless, just don’t sue us.

While first date etiquette is always important, simply for the sake of common decency, I have to admit that there is more a guy can do, beyond making a good first impression, that would convince me to see him again. No matter where you take me or how much money you spend on sushi, I cannot force myself to like you. I used to think it was a myth that women decided, within minutes of meeting a man, whether or not she would consider sleeping with him.

Two things have led me to admit that this phenomenon is, in fact, real. First, the numerous instances in which I have forced myself to go on a date with someone I didn’t instantly connect with, hoping that a spark would develop, but then being forced to choke back a groan the instant I spot insert random guy’s name here waiting for me outside the restaurant. Second, the guys I have been instantly attracted to and lived and died by our time together, even when it primarily consisted of Kelly’s Roast Beef, Guinness, buffalo wings, and a complete lack of personal hygiene.

After careful deliberation and commiseration, I have finally had an epiphany: once a girl makes her initial judgment, there is little a guy can do to dissuade her from following her instinct (short of rape, murder, or some other heinous crime).
That said, there is one thing that will most definitely get you kicked out of my bedroom and my life: selfishness. When we are physically intimate and you go to make yourself a sandwich after you climax, while I am left to fend for myself; that is selfish. If you roll over and fall asleep as soon as you orgasm, with no concern for my needs; that is selfish.

I am constantly amazed at guys’ willingness to indulge themselves in this way and, recently, have wondered if perhaps it is because, outside or performing oral sex, which takes quite a good amount of time and effort, you lack the skills required to give me an orgasm? If this is the case, not to worry! Read on to find out more, and then ask me out.

Let’s start with the basics. An orgasm is the peak of sexual arousal when all the muscles that were tightened during sexual arousal relax, causing a very pleasurable feeling that involves whole body. Internally, a woman’s heart rate increases, her breathing quickens, and her blood pressure skyrockets as the muscles in her entire body spasm. If your penis is still inserted as your partner climaxes, you will probably be able to feel her muscles contract, especially those in her vagina, uterus, anus, and pelvic floor. Other signs your female partner has climaxed include increased vaginal lubrication, an erect and exposed clitoris, enlarged breasts with erect nipples, and skin flush, especially in the face and chest. Personally, if you see my chest flush red and the backs of my knees are damp with sweat, you can be assured I have achieved an orgasm.

I know, I know, you don’t really care what an orgasm is; you just want to be able to give her one without straining your jaw muscles. There are a few things you can try during conventional sex to help her achieve an orgasm. The woman-on-top position may be the easiest and most satisfying way for both you and your partner to climax. You get a full frontal view of your girl as she grinds back and forth, and she can control the pace and depth of the penetration. Not to mention the fact that when she has her orgasm, you can feel the rippling of her vaginal muscles much more intensely this way, as opposed to any other position. When she is on top of you, try pulling her forward to create a direct connection between your pubic bone and her clitoris. Arch your back and raise your pelvic bone, while she parts her vaginal lips and leans forward into your chest. Rubbing the exposed shaft of your penis directly against her clitoris may be enough stimulation for her to climax. Alternatively, you can lie back while your partner swivels around, so that she is straddling you while facing your feet. Have her lean slightly forward and move back and forth, up and down, or in a circular motion. For slightly more control, place your hands around her hips and guide her motion.

Another option for those with partners hesitant to jump in the saddle, so to speak, is the highly touted “CAT”, or the Coital Alignment Technique. According to its proponents, CAT is a revised missionary position specifically designed to improve a woman’s chances of achieving orgasm with genital intercourse. Like the missionary position, you are on top, face to face with your partner. However, following the CAT method, you enter your partner from a higher position than usual, thrusting pressure on your partner’s clitoris while you enter. To do this, have your partner lie on her back and insert your penis as you normally would in the missionary position. Once inside, lean to the right or left side of your partner’s torso, so that you can rest your weight partially on your partner and partially on the bed (or table or bathroom floor, you get the idea). Then, lift yourself further up the length of your partner’s body so that the base of your penis is making contact with your partner’s clitoris as you thrust. Have your partner wrap her legs around yours, so that her ankles are at about the height of your calves and rock back and forth in sync.

Sex toys are also an option for those comfortable with introducing something new into their repertoire. I am a huge proponent of sex toys, primarily because they can definitely spice up a relationship, but also because there is such a diverse selection of products. You can buy one for use alone, with your partner, or with multiple partners. Though I would suggest that you take the time to browse an adult store to see what interests you, I have also made some suggestions below and provided you with simple instructions for use.

The Figure Eight Stimulator (www.dear-lady.com; $16.80) is a vibrating cock ring that provides pleasure for both partners; Stoolies have said good things about this class of dual-pleasure toy. It’s made of soft jelly and shaped like an eight, with a perpendicular loop holding a vibrating bullet, bisecting the top and bottom loop. Place your penis in the top loop to support your erection; the lower loop “excites” your testicles. There is a soft “flicker” at the top that will stimulate your partner’s clitoris, while the bullet in the center ring vibrates. The Figure Eight can be especially good in conjunction with the sexual positions mentioned above.

Also try the Doc Johnson Vibrating Clitoral and Vaginal Pump (www.edenfantasys.com; $23.99) for oral sex simulation. Place the soft jelly sucker and vibrating bullet directly on top of your partner’s clitoris. Use the bulb to pump for suction, then disconnect the pump and use the controller to adjust the amount of vibration. The makers of this particular product claim that this is the strongest vibrator around.

Last but not least, there is the champ; the go-to product for women from MILFs to the girls on “Sex and the City”; the Rabbit Pearl (www.mypleasure.com; $79.95). Use this product when your primary concern is with your partner achieving orgasm; when you are ready to be turned on simply by watching her go crazy. Though it can be as loud as a jackhammer, the end result is worth the noise. It has a soft, pink jelly exterior with spinning pearls as the base of the dildo shaft that stimulate as the shaft rotates, and a bunny with vibrating ears for amazing clitoral stimulation. With two separate controls for shaft and clitoral stimulator, you are sure to find a speed and intensity that pleases your partner. Help your partner control and maneuver the Rabbit for a more involved experience.

I think I have given you some basic tips to ensure pleasure for your partner. I can’t stress enough the importance of ensuring that your girl is SA-TIS-FIED with your performance, or at least with your effort. If all else fails, take her to a cheap hotel, throw on some R. Kelly, get her liquored up, and hope that she can talk you through a marathon session of oral sex, your treat…