Better Late Than Never Technologies
Well it was just 2 short weeks ago that I finally caved-in and bought DVR. Surprising? Not really, considering my history of technology delays. You see, as a History major I’ve always been skeptical of A., America, and B., anything considered “hip”. My policy is to wait and see what everybody else has to say about said new, “hip” product, wait yet again for the price to drop, THEN make my decision on whether or not to buy it. Make sense? No?? Of course most of the time these holding patterns have proved to be a deadly combination of laziness, cheapness, stubbornness and stupidity; while other times it looks like I was right all along. Like an old man taking a piss at a Red Sox game - I just can’t be rushed.
So today I’ve decided to list some of the major “hip” technologies this country has had to offer over the last 10 years and determine, in hindsight, if my delays have proved to be right or wrong.
DVR: First used by most Americans – 2003. Purchased by me – December, 2006.
When I finally plopped down the whopping $9.99/month a few weeks ago I was told DVR “would change my life”. This has not been the case. I don’t watch too many TV shows so “My DVR” has basically become a collection of half-watched sporting events, a Real World or two, and then just a slew of HBO-6 late night movies. This really has been the greatest part of the DVR experience thus far. Being able to tape “Genie in a String Bikini” from 3-4:30 in the morning, then watching it the next night during dinner. If that’s not the American dream, I don’t know what is. Regardless, I don’t think I missed much not having DVR. Decision to hold: Right!
Cell phone: First used by most Americans – 1999. Purchased by me – April, 2005.
Yup, I was the Craig MacTavish of the Land Line community, skating around without a helmet until it became absolutely necessary to purchase one in April of 2005. It just got so annoying for everyone involved, including my bookie, that even though I hated the idea of being able to be reached anywhere at anytime, I just had to make the purchase. Sure there have been drawbacks: texting the wrong person, fake-texting, over-texting, texting myself for no reason; but overall, the cell phone has certainly been a worthwhile investment. You mean people talk on the phone? Decision to hold: Wrong.
Online poker: First used by most Americans – 2003. Signed up – February, 2004.
Clearly reason #2 why dudes need to get their own apartment -- I only waited about a year testing the waters before I took the plunge on this one. The reason being I didn’t trust these sites NOT to steal my money. I mean why wouldn’t they? Turned out the sites weren’t rigged or anything like that, I just stunk at online poker. I haven’t played in almost a year now but I lost so much money in the process that I actually grew to hate it, and was kind of ecstatic when I heard about the new regulations cracking down on money transfers, etc. Granted it was only about a 1 year holding pattern, but the decision to wait definitely saved me money. Decision to hold: Right!
George Foreman Grill: First used by most Americans – 1995. Purchased by me, 1998.
When doing research for this paragraph I was SHOCKED to see the George Foreman Grill was first introduced to Americans in 1995. Wow. We could’ve definitely used this in college where we had an electric grill in the kitchen that started legitimate fires roughly… ohhh, 98% of the time. Regardless, there’s no denying the George Foreman Grill was one of the great inventions for a single guy living in Boston where you couldn’t cook outside in the winter, and unlike a lot of these other technologies, I was ahead of my peers on this one. I had every kind, too. I started out with the “bachelor” Foreman, which only fit 1 f’n hamburger, then I upgraded to the “Family Size” which could fit 3, then when the Champ invented the temperature gauge I got that one, then the bun-warmer… by 2000 I had like 5 George Foreman Grills lying around my kitchen. Throw-in my roommate’s and often times you’d see “Dueling George Foremans” breaking the wheels on the electric meter outside our apartment. Decision to hold (albeit unintentionally): Wrong.
MySpace: First used by most Americans – 2005. Signed up – September, 2006.
Like most people, I registered for a MySpace “stalking account” long before creating a legitimate page a few months ago. Now I’m a pretty open-minded person, but for the life of me I still can’t figure this thing out. I know I’m probably too old, but if you want to talk to me, why not just send me an email? I don’t get it. And “ranking” friends? That’s seems pretty shady. The only positive I’ve gotten out of MySpace is that I managed to get in contact with My Buddy Who Fucked Kate Moss. Yup, you may have read about him on the Barstool Blog a few months back, but he’s in a band over in the U.K., and what do you know - they have a MySpace page. Holy friggin’ shit. Hopefully I’ll get some more details, and when I do, I’ll be sure to post them. Decision to hold: Right.
IPOD: First used by Americans – 2004. Purchased by me – still haven’t purchased one
I know, I know…. I almost got into a fist fight this summer with a dude who was so OUTRAGED I didn’t have an IPOD he was ready to kill both himself, and me. Dude, relax. I really don’t think I need one. I’m my own IPOD, in some respects. If I’m not listening to music at work, I just sing to myself. (Internally, of course.) I figure, why shell out the $250 when I can literally cue up a thousand songs for free in my head? Also, I don’t want to be one of those brain-dead people I see on the train every morning staring into infinity the entire time. I can do that without the earplugs, thank you. Decision to hold: still to be determined.