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How Did Humans Realize That Sex Makes Babies?

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Big topic of discussion on KFC Radio today with special guest, our boy Rone: how did humans realize that fucking makes babies? It’s insane when you think about it. For starters, I don’t even know long it took them to figure out that boners fit in vaginas. It’s not totally inherent knowledge, maybe the three of us are morons but none of us knew what to do with our first boners. It’s not like the thing pops up and you go, “That goes in a vagina.” There’s a lot of trial and error. Rone put his first boner in the spokes of a wooden chair, me and Kevin tried to put ours in bottles of shampoo (not recommended). I’m fucking stunned that our ancestors found out how that shit works before the entire human race went extinct because we’re a lot smarter than they were and we were banging inanimate objects so I have to imagine they were stuffing their shit in tree holes or fish mouths or something.

As for the discovery that the sex leads to the babies, that makes no goddamn sense to me. It’s not a lightswitch, you know? It’s not an immediate cause and effect. Women had to have been popping out kids thinking it had to do with the god they prayed to the night before or whatever animal they ate for dinner. There’s no way you’re walking down to the river to collect some water and a baby falls out of your vagina and you immediately think, “Ah, that’s from that guy I fucked last harvest season.” How they ever pieced together that after sex a baby cooks for 9 months then pops out is beyond stunning. Some of the most impressive sciencing ever.

Must have been a pretty sweet deal for the dudes, however. As Rone said, women were probably having kids trying to get some help and the guys were like, “What? No. That’s not from me. I haven’t had sex with you in like 9 months so that’s impossible.”