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Hot People Can Do Whatever They Want: Girl Calls Wondering If She Can Keep Talking To A Convicted Rapist?

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One of the more preposterous calls in this history of KFC Radio today when we had a young lady call in with a burning question: can she keep talking to the guy she met on Tinder even if she discovered if he was convicted of soliciting sex from a minor under FIFTEEN years old? Hang on, hang on, there’s a caveat: he’s really hot.

Honestly, being born hot is the biggest bullshit in the world. I imagine this is probably how black people or asian people or women or anyone who isn’t a white man feels, that they got the short end of the stick at birth, but us ugly ones still have it tough too. If one of us ugly people rape a kid that is an immediate and hard stop as far as romantic talks go, but if you’re particularly attractive? Eh, it’s just some baggage and hell, who doesn’t have that? If you’ve got a strong jaw and a Superman chest then there’s, apparently, nothing you can do to make chicks say there is absolutely no way they’ll sleep with you.

It goes both ways too, I’ll admit that. I’ve dated crazy girls for way longer than I should have just because I was physically attracted to them, everyone has. Remember in Gone Girl when she writes in her fake diary that “there’s a chance this man I love might kill me”? I’ve gone to bed every night thinking I might catch a knife in the neck. Part of my nightly routine was making sure my affairs were in order. Brush my teeth, have a glass of order, make sure my lawyer has my will in a safe place, put on The Office until I fall asleep was my life for like three years. You put the shoe on the other foot and think, “What would I do if I matched with Casey Anthony on Tinder?” Well, I’d have sex with her, duh. Even (alleged) baby murder doesn’t put an attractive person outside the realm of possible sex partners.

But, you know what? I think this guy still has to be a no-go. Obviously can’t date him because it’s tough enough to bring a guy with tattoos home to mom and dad, let alone explaining his troublesome Google history over dinner. Can’t even fuck him, if you ask me. I know that sounds like a double standard because I just said Casey Anthony can get it but here’s the thing, she’s not a sex crimer. This Tinder dude plays in the sex crime game and that’s way scarier than getting in bed with an (alleged) murderer. Plus I’m stronger than a baby.