I Am A Fat Piece Of Shit: MY COLUMN

My friends, yesterday was wonderful. I flew to New York to spend the week at the Barstool office and make some wonderful content for all of my closest friends on the internet and radio. It was going swimmingly. We had a great time on the Rundown, on Barstool Radio and even on the Evening Yak.

After radio was over, I was flying high and pleased with the day’s work. Liz, Kmarko, John, and I all went out to eat some dinner. We enjoyed steaks, shrimp, various meats and fine cheeses, ricotta with honey, and even some delicious gnocchi. Now gnocchi is, lest we forget, various thicc, small, and soft dough dumplings that may be made from semolina, ordinary wheat flour, egg, cheese, potato, breadcrumbs, cornmeal, or similar ingredients. Delicious but high caloric content for sure.

Why mention the caloric content of gnocchi? Well, because Liz tweeted this picture.

Yes. My belly looks big in this picture. There’s no denying that. Have I gained a few el bees since I started at Barstool? Absolutely. I will say this though. The support that I received from the Stoolies last night was incredible. No one was mean to me about it at all. In fact, at Big Cat’s request, many people were trying their best to delete the picture. I appreciate that.

Thank you, Greg. Thank you.

I think the real beauty of this situation is that people were really nice about it. They considered my feelings and acted like I was their big brother.

So, that feels good to know that you have support and that hundreds of people didn’t spend their Monday night telling you that you were a fat piece of shit.

Side note: I need to comment on how sweaty I looked. I was in a real pickle because the restaurant was so hot but I didn’t realize just how hot until it was too late. I had on a long sleeve flannel under my quarter zip. By the time I realized how hot I was, I had drenched the flannel and therefore couldn’t remove the quarter zip. Because I couldn’t remove it, I got hotter and hotter and hotter. At one point, I was so warm I asked the waitress if I could switch from sparkling water to Gatorade. I was concerned about my electrolytes. I mean, I had already flown that day and my vitamins were an absolute wreck. I didn’t think the Gatorade was a wild request but she laughed out loud which means she thought I was joking. Buddy, stop laughing and toss me an Arctic Blast. I’m dying over here.

Additionally, my hair looked like shit; I had been having great hair days lately, so that was disappointing.

My venmo is open. Unclechaps