This Couple is Hiring Someone to Video Their Wedding. Specifically, Their Wedding Night
Source – An anonymous couple has posted an advert online to find a ‘Wedding Night Videographer’ for their upcoming nuptials in the Cotswolds this September. The engaged pair say they have been unsuccessfully hunting for a videographer willing to capture their first night as husband and wife since they got engaged in 2016. The advert states that they have put aside around £2,000 budget for the service, however this is “negotiable”.
The couple posted their unusual request on online services marketplace Bark.com last week, after being unable to find a suitable videographer. The advert states that despite having a videographer for the day, he is not willing to film their first night together. The husband and wife-to-be believe that the wedding night is just as important as the day, and they want to be able to relive memories from every part of their wedding. …
The videographer who takes the job will be required to film the wedding night, and provide professional shots and lighting in the hotel room after the wedding celebrations. The couple has said they expect the videographer will need to start at around 1am and finish around 3am – however this may be subject to change.
Give credit where credit is due. If you’re planning on preserving your wedding night as spank material for the rest of your life, you want to do it right. No boring camera-on-a-tripod giving that one, static shot of genitals going into other genitals. No clumsy POV shot with a Go Pro on your head where you don’t get to see the happy couple together. And no hastily slapped together, unedited iPhone vids. A night this special can only be one one way: By having a complete stranger who answered an ad to stay in the room with you and share your tender moment. And record you fucking for money.
That’s the way you do it. The best way to start your life of love and commitment to one another. By inviting a third person in to watch. Sure he’ll walk out of the room with a woody and a copy of your coupling that has a 99.99 percent chance of ending up online. But at least it will be professional quality. The world has seen one other actual wedding consummation sex video, and it was done by Jeff Gillooly and Tonya Harding. And it was garbage. [Link NSFWish] We’ve seen better quality videos done by terrorist group in the 1980s. So by all means, stick with the truly romantic keepsake that is your sex being shot by a true pro you just met online.
My only advice to this wonderful couple is, don’t have him record the actual wedding night. Seriously, give it a day or two. Before the groom brings his tux back to the rental shop and the bride puts her dress into storage, break them out and do a reenactment. Neither you nor the millions watching your leaked tape will ever know the difference. Wedding night sex is the most overrated activity in the world. It comes at the end of the most hectic day of your life. You barely slept the night before. You had some kind of drama from some woman in your family (that’s not being sexist; only women care enough about weddings to bring drama into the mix to mess with you). The whole day is a blur. And you should be at least moderately drunk or you didn’t do it right. The only way post-wedding sex is NOT disappointing is if you went in with the lowest of expectations to begin with. Not naming names, but I’m sure for one lady in my life it was the worst 12.5 seconds of her life. If it was recorded, it would’ve made the Harding/Gillooly video look like the Alexandra Daddario/Woody Harrelson scene from True Detective S1.
So great move by this beautiful young couple and here’s to a long happy life together. On behalf of the internet, we are all looking forward to sharing your special night.