Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher
Maryland – Alexis Mercedes Boberg, 25, of the 8200 block of Quarterfield Road in Severn, has been charged with two counts of fourth-degree sex offense for having a sexual contact with a person while in a position of authority, police said.
Boberg was also charged with consuming alcohol on public property, police said. She turned herself into authorities at the Western District Station Monday. …
Detectives determined that after Boberg exchanged numbers with the student, she met the student at multiple locations away from school property on various occasions throughout May, police said.
Boberg during those meetings would provide the teen student alcohol and engage in sexual activities with him, police said.
Detectives executed a search warrant June 5 at Boberg’s residence, where they found relevant items and took them into evidence, police said.
This is actually eerie in a way. Because the very last one of these fabulous disasters I graded was Pennsylvania Sex Scandal Teacher Holly A. Smith, who taught Spanish. And her way of communicating with the teenager she was boning was via the new hotness in social media interactions between SSTs and their students, WhatsApp. And in order to cover her tracks (and further his education) was to text in Espanol. And the code name she used?
Alexis.
I’m ready to open an X-File on his right now. I mean, what are the odds? It’s not like I had two Susans or Beckys in a row. One chose the rather obscure name of Alexis, the very next one is an Alexis. Call it what you will. A wild coincidence. A synchronicity. A causality. I listened to a podcast not long ago with two researchers looking into the field of precognition and they discussed a theory that time exists on a loops such that the future can influence the past. Think Young Hodor’s brain getting short-circuited by future Middle Aged Hodor’s trauma. By that theory, maybe it’s possible Smith’s name was created retroactively by Boberg or that Boberg got into feeding booze to a kid and having sex with him by Smith. And all Sex Scandal Teachers are all part of the same hive consciousness and can speak to each other telepathically.
Or maybe there is no connection and there are simply a lot of women working in classrooms who are into getting attention from high school boys and want to have sex with them. That’s what Scully would tell Mulder.
The Grades:
Looks: I wish I had more to go on than just what appears to be a mugshot. Maybe if more photos become available we’ll know more. But if that is a police booking photo, she should hire their photographer. It’s better than the yearbook portraits of 90% of SSTs. She’s got sort of a Sarah Hyland-lite thing going. I’m impressed.
Grade: B+
Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: Right now it’s just the testimony of the student, plus their phone communications and whatever evidence they took out her place. So I don’t know, maybe I rushed to publish on this one. But a story about a substitute finding a way to still somehow close the deal, given the vagabond life they lead just sort of feels like an inspirational story for all aspiring full time SSTs with tenure to say “If she can destroy her career, then bygawd so can I.” I’ve got a hundred bucks that says she gets in trouble more for the public drinking than the actual teacher sex. That’s how it would shake out in Massachusetts anyway.
Grade: C+
Intangibles: So Mr. & Mrs. Boburg named their baby girl Alexis Mercedes. I’ve never heard of parents so anxious to raise a stripper in my life. At least they got close.
Grade: A
Overall: B. We’re going to need a follow up here for some extra credit.
Do you have someone you want to see graded? Tweet her to me @jerrythornton1 or email me at jerry@barstoolsports.com. Your service to the betterment of mankind will be its own reward.