Philly Man Falls Short Of End Zone Despite Area's Sexiest DM

He had me at ‘Jawn 3:16’… Icing on the cake? The author himself, a Mister Tittieson, Sex. What girl doesn’t dream of growing up some day to become Mrs. Tittieson?

Side note: Whatever you do, don’t google that name.

::Thinks about our audience for a second::

Actually, go ahead & google that. You’ll be pretty jazzed with the results that pop up.

As for you, Melissa, please don’t go running into traffic; you’re a special lady. These weirdos want to get Embiid with you because you’re hot stuff. You might be Saric to your stomach after reading that, especially because that gent likely has a dirty, misshaped Redick but he’s clearly just Fultz of himself and need to Simmons down a bit. Trust the process & good things will come.