We’ve all been there. You’re a young woman, hammered drunk in an Australian Kentucky Fried Chicken at 9:30PM on a Friday, mind fully set on a $5 Fill-Up…
Two delectable pieces of fried chicken, pillowy mountains of steamy mashed potatoes, a golden biscuit, bubbly medium drink and a chocolate chip cookie that melts in your mouth…
You’re salivating so much you won’t even be able to taste it, but you’re on a mission and nothing can stop you.
You place the order and watch them drop moist, spicy breasts & thighs into the waiting, needy grease. It crackles around the seasoned edges & your eyes roll in the back of your head. You haven’t seen meat this fine since Viggo Mortensen in 2007’s Eastern Promises. (It’s ok, Kate thinks about that obscure movie a lot, too.)
When it’s time to pay, you casually offer up a bank transfer because you don’t have any cash or credit card on you, which any kewl kid knows is completely normal for a night out. That’s when the morons behind the counter get reaaaaal dumb, and have the audacity to deny you – a rare breed of drunk, basic bitcc – fast food.
And after you spent all that time stumbling your size 1 tuchas down there from Rocket Bar when you could have been making out with Ethan. He has a neon blue 2016 Dodge Challenger for Christssakes. They’re going to regret this.
You defend your honor by throwing credit card machines and a 24 pack of 7-Up at staff and computers, and screaming things like,
“Are you actually retarded in the f…ing head?”
When the cops arrive you run up to them, excited they’ll be able to join you in this righteous battle for chicken. Instead? The ultimate betrayal.
You’re arrested and thrown in the slammer, charged with disorderly behaviour, property damage, two counts of assault and two aggravated counts of assaulting police.
Terrible. As we can all relate, our Venmo is open for donations to get her out.