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Explaining The World Of Harry Potter To Willie Colon Was One Of The Funniest Things I've Ever Had To Do

Today on Barstool Breakfast, I made a Harry Potter reference. Willie has not read a single HP book, nor has he seen any of the movies, because he hates childhood fantasy stories and whimsical worlds of fun. In response, I took it upon myself to explain the wizarding world of Harry Potter to my large-boned friend. And let me tell you something– Willie framed the Harry Potter series in a way that I’d never seen it before.

First, I tried to explain it in a relatable way:

W- “Has he got laid?”

F- “Oh yeah. He pipes his best friend’s sister.”

W- “Ah, so he’s a fucking scumbag.”

Well, when you put it that way… I guess so? I always championed the Ginny-Harry romance, even though I found Cho Chang smoldering and exotic. A smoking hot Asian chick in a magical, British world? What a great choice by JK Rowling. Anyway, Willie immediately raised his concerns with Harry going after Ron’s sister, and now I’m seeing it differently.

But when I added that Ginny was Ron’s YOUNGER sister, Willie really lost his mind:

“How are we supporting this man’s efforts? Harry is a fucking degenerate. This is the type of story I would hear at a trailer park. This is the type of romance you would see at a Cracker Barrel. He has 8 movies because of this?!”

Yeeeeesh! My childhood is crumbling. Based on a 5-minute conversation with Willie, I now realize that “the boy who lived” is really “the boy who piped his best friend’s sister.” Harry Potter is a fucking asshole who doesn’t abide by guy code, and I’m over it.