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Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher

SST

OhioA Cuyahoga Falls High School guidance counselor is accused of having sex with a student.

Rebecca Sparrow, 36, has pleaded not guilty to a charge of sexual battery, a third-degree felony. …

Sparrow was secretly indicted by a Summit County grand jury earlier this month. The indictment says the alleged incident took place in 2016.

She has been released on a recognizance bond and is not permitted to have contact with the alleged victim, according to court records.

Sparrow was placed on paid leave from Cuyahoga Falls High School on Jan. 9 for engaging “in conduct unbecoming a teacher during the 2015-2016 school year,” according to a letter from the district in her personnel file.

There were also allegations that she “revealed confidential student information to a third party without consent to do so.”

If I was going to do the Mel Kiper Jr. breakdown of this, I’d go with:

Rebecca Sparrow, a 5-7, 115 lb, 36-year-old Guidance Counselor out of Cuyahoga Falls High School. She showed a lot of potential with that party photo, but never really quite played up to her capabilities. There was a slight drop off with her mugshot, but it was still good enough to get her graded on my Newest Sex Scandal Teacher big board. Overall I feel she’s a naturally gifted SST but her in-school performance never quite lived up to her measurables. Unless we see more productivity out of her in subsequent news articles, I project her at best as a Day 3 or 4 pick, maybe as a depth teacher who’ll probably not make the end of the year All Star Lineup.

 The Grades:
Looks: It should come as no surprise I agree with Make Believe Kiper. That first picture is a borderline A and the second is still not bad by mugshot standards.
Grade: B

Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: You have to respect the idea of a Guidance Counselor banging one of the students. Some confused kid comes in, looking for a sympathetic ear. Maybe he’s struggling with fitting in at school. Or having a hard time with his studies. Or perhaps he just needs some advice on career paths and school choices. And her recommendation to all is that they get naked and hump like crazed otters. But unfortunately we don’t know that any of that took place because this could be the single driest, most boring news report about a 36-year-old professional seducing a high schooler I’ve ever read.
Grade: D+

Intangibles: Rebecca Sparrow is just such a great SST name. Part Jennifer Lawrence spy movie, part the Cary Mulligan as Sally Sparrow from the best Doctor Who episode ever, “Blink.”
Grade: A

Overall: C. Sorry, Rebecca. But that kind of performance might make you an UDFASST.

Do you have someone you want to see graded? Tweet her to me @jerrythornton1 or email me at jerry@barstoolsports.com. Your service to the betterment of mankind will be its own reward.