Dez Bryant Just Wants a 1-Year Deal Then to Hit Free Agency. I Think I Know Just the Team

Dallas Cowboys v Atlanta Falcons

Hey, Dez Bryant, why don’t you and the Patriots just get a room already? I mean, it’s felt inevitable for weeks now. Or as soon as the first couple of days went by without him cashing in with a multi-year, top of the market deal that he’d end up in New England. But it’s just getting unseemly at this point.

So Bryant wants “a big 1-year deal and a chance to secure a bigger long term contract as a UFA” in 2019? Christ. Be a little bit more obvious why don’t you? He might as well go on Grindr with a profile that reads “Single 29yo male, 6-2, athletic build, seeking a relationship with smart, successful, serious father figure in his mid-60s. No long term commitment but I’d love a ring!

Where else could he possibly be talking about coming to get what he wants than here? Foxboro is where you come to work out your issues.  To establish yourself. Or for men that are having a mid-career crisis to reinvent themselves for a season or two. And then get PAID. Deion Branch did it. Asante Samuel. Richard Seymour. Wes Welker. Darrelle Revis. Danny Amendola. Malcolm Butler. Hell, even slappies like Mark Anderson and Tully Banta-Cain robbed other GMs blind after moderate success here. The list goes on and on. I can’t count how many times I’ve said if I was an agent, I’d sign my guy up with New England on a 1-year, veteran minimum deal, maybe with a few incentives sprinkled in and then hit the market with the sweet fragrance of a championship run all over him and break the bank. And there’s no better way for Dez Bryant to signal that’s exactly what he’s looking to do than to tell Ozzie Newsome he’s not going to sign in Baltimore, go 8-8, 9-7 the whole time while Joe Flacco declines and fade into Bolivian. He’d rather wait a year, catch 90 passes from Brady and play in a Super Bowl. Then the payday will come later.

It’s a brilliant strategy and one I wholeheartedly endorse. In fact, it almost seems inevitable. Like waiting for Jim and Pam to finally hook up. Excpet it’s starting to feel like it’s taking longer than they did. So let’s get this done already.