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Woman Writes The Worst List Of Sex Stipulations I've Ever Seen

Let’s just dive right in. Not talking sex. The vagina can be dry. Gotta warm up the ole spark plugs first. I mean, let’s dive into the list without any pleasantries or whathaveyou.

1. Duh. All of these are no-brainers. No talkin bout moms, sisters, girlfriends, or that big ole bitch Science. Fuck that.

2. No Hickeys. I disagree! I love hickeys. Hickeys show that you are into some necking. Neckin feels good! Really good. Now, some say that you look trashy when you are walkin around with big ole bruises on your neck. To me, it’s like wearing a ring from West Point. It shows that you are proud of where you been and where you came from.

hickey

Hot!

3. No jizzing on my body or face without permission. I feel like this one is really fair. I could agree to this one under one condition. If you fuck me too hard, I might cum too fast. Dont be mad if you try something new and end up with butt cheek covered in cream. Not my fault. I’m prone to premature stuff. Ejaculate and whatnot.

4. No fingering. What the fuck is this? We talking inside the jeans or nothing at all? I can understand limiting finger blasting but the other parts make the world sing. It’s fun! One sniff. Everybody knows the rules.

5. The backdoor is locked. Sadly, your door. Your rules. I’ll still knock on there from time to time though. Bike spokes.

6. Pulling hair and spanking is permitted in moderation and respectfully. But she probably doesn’t want you to be a little bitch about it either. Cant spank a buttcheek like you just birded a 3-footer to save par. Eagles only.

7. Play with tits more. NICE!

8. Absolutely no singing. This is unbelievable. I love to sing in bed. The booty had me like

9. Find the clit. Me:

Thank you. Namaste.