MMBM: Robert Mueller's WITCH HUNT Is Causing NHL Refs To Be Biased Against Washington Capitals Russian Stars

Note: TL;DR.

Wellcome to the Monday Morning BM, just a word of warning your probably not prepared to handle the strong football takes and barrelfire NFL truths that you never knew your Mondays were missing. This column is written for and by a REAL fan of the NFL. Its designed to be read on your Monday Morning commode break after a long Sunday eating bad-for-you food and drinking beers. If you care more about SPELLING then you do about TELLING theres the door because this columns not for you.

Its the most wonderfull time of the year besdies football season, March Madness, the fourth of July, the weekend Madden comes out, and mandatory OTAs- the NHL playoffs are in full swing and I was looking forward to a nice April filled with impartially officiated hockey as Americas team The Washington Capitals were poised to make their run to the Stanley Cup Finals. It seemed like destiny- like the only person that could stand in there way was a hot goaltender, but instead the Washington Capitals have themsevles in a 2-0 series hole (most dangerous lead in hockey) and its all because ofthe very off-the-rails Robert Mueller investigation of President Trump.

The Mueller WITCH HUNT is unfairly effecting the Washington Capitals since all the officials are afraid of being accused of collusion if they make too many calls favoring Russians. The Caps have Ovi, Kuznetsov, and Orlov all in there primes and the NHL league office is afraid of losing there anti-trust exemption if they get labeled as being in cahoots with Putin. Columbus has been cheating cheating cheating, and all the looney lib’s that make up the NHL are scared to say anything because they think Russia is bad now.

Dont believe me? Then how come the Blue Jackets overtime goal wasnt waved off after replays clearly showed the Blue Jackets were offside? This is classic example of the left not caring about the thin blue line that protects our society from devlving into utter chaos, and Columbus skated right over it without a care in the world. There was also possble interference on the play as well as numerous others but the refs waved off It just baffles the mind how come we cant leave politics out of hockey these days but thanks to Mueller its generaly regarded as a bad thing to get along with Russians allmost like if they were to win a Stanley Cup theyd fill it with mustard gas and send it to Assad. Totaly unhinged stuff. mueller

The Capitals wear soviet red and the blue jackets literaly have a American flag on their jerseys- frankly it woudnt suprise me if Mueller levied treason charges against the entire Columbus starting lineup just for particpating in the handshake line. When are regular Americans going to stand up for ourselves and say “Hey, the Capitals are perfectley capabale of choking away a playoff series on our own we dont need any extra help from the special prosecutor!”?

Im sorry but I was raised to repsect law enforcement and its disgusting how the FBI dosent share those values.

Its not like Ovi has made it a secret how close he is with Putin, heck he even started a campaign to raise awareness about all the Russian journalists that havent been murdered since everyone who would of written a article about it all got sick or developed a mid-life interest in handling polonium. Its been such a doublestander to see how Ovechkin is treated verse how things were in the last administration. Funny how when Obama was Presdent the NFL was tax exempt even though Robert Kraft was fencing a enitre jewelry racket through Putin and nobody cared but now since Trumps in office the NHL cant even try to make it look like a fair fight.

The Penguins on the other hand are seen as being the “good guys”- led by all-american boy Sidney Crosby who I realize is Canadian- but Canada is part of North America so your being ignorant if you dont think that counts.

From a historical standpoint, this woudnt be the first time Columbus conquered the Atlantic even though the Capitals are the ones going to the ends of the earth to dissappoint there fans. The Blue Jackets are marching on Washington like its 1863 again, and after the extended replay review ended last nights game the net result is the same: wether its Ovechkin or Abraham Lincoln- a call to the Booth effectivley neutralized a left winger.

But we can take consoldation in the fact that hockey players are still better human beings then anyone on the planet besides everyone whose already dead that we have to pretend like they were perfect. Just look at this:

If this happened at a NBA game on of the players probably would of gone into the crowd to fight her. Cam Newton of the NFL could learn alot about some of the small things players can do to appeal to youngsters besides having so many kids that eventualy everyone in the stands is your biggest fan. In hockey though they actualy appreciate there fans and will do anything to make them happy besides winning a second-round playoff series.


1. The Eagles cut there new cornerback Daryl Worley a couple weeks after they singed him simply for getting a DUI and puling over to the side of the road even though as a cornerback he should of been able to explain to the officer that the yellow line is not offical. I dont see why were castigating a guy for trying to fit in with the local culture, plus he was actualy acting repsonsible by stopping his car and taking a quick cat-nap instead of continuing to drive. They say your not really a Philadelphian until you lose your job so I guess this just means hes a even better fit now then he was when they signed him originally.


2.  Rob Gronkowski is thinking about retiring and is not showing up to the Patrots facilty for offseason workouts. I choose to interpret this as literaly as possble so its not like Gronk is going to retire but hes just literaly thinking about what retirement is and its blowing his mid so much he cant leave his house. Its kind of crazy when you think about it- you just like stop going to work forever. Its pretty bitchin you get to do whatever you want all the time its like your a kid again I wonder why more people just dont retire. Anyways thats my analsys of the Gronk situation tell me Im wrong.

3. Dez Bryant hit the open market last Friday and its tough to not imagine the New England Patriots picking him up to fill the void of “talented player that is going to be benched to prove a point that no ones bigger then the team” that Malcom Butler left behind. Thats what Belchick is so good at- bringing in castaways and making them scapegoats its probably his best attribute.

4. Josh Rosen needs to hire a crisis management firm ASAP to address allegatons that he wouldnt have sex with a regulation football if left alone in a room alone with one for longer then 15 mins. I just question his love for the game and Im not going to bring his religion into it but if he decides to go orthodox he wont even be aloud to touch a pigskin and at that point you have to switch to single wing and frnakly most teams dont have the personell.

5. Everyone is so exited about Bartolo Colons almost perfect game last nite but people dont realize how he cost his team with his individual dominance. As a pitcher your job is to get your teamates involved in the game and let them play a little defense to help them feel like there contributing and so they can get in a rhythm. By getting everyone out he elimnated the possibilty of double plays on the basepaths and the batter never had to worry about dealing with a pitchout. The no-hitter is the most overated thing in sports besides the slam dunk. 99.999% of Americans have never given up a MLB hit either big deal.

6. Aldon Smith was arrested for violating his probation by registering a .40 BAC on his sweat-monitoring bracelet which is simply unbeleveable in this day and age of perscription anti-perspirants.

7. Mark Sanchez was busted by the NFL for using PEDs and first of all I feel like there should be a vigorous debate surrounding the word “enhancing.” To be honest the fact that Josh Rosen hasnt been busted for using PEDs makes me queston how badly he really wants to make it in the NFL. Is he such a stickler for technicalty that he wont be willing to take whatever the defense gives him if he thinks that its not sporting?

8. Speaking of former USC QBs who use there genitals as a weapon, Sam Darnolds grandfather was named Dick Hammer and he was a Marlboro Man. Cant miss for the Giants at number two with Cowboy killer genes like that.

9. A bunch of guys that have been out of football for so long that Alanis Morisette dosent even know there names have been signed as third stringers while Colin Kapernick is filing a collusion lawsuit against the NFL. But some silver lining has come out of it- its a fun new game called “QB who is not Colin Kapernick who just got signed as a backup” name generator. Your first name is the third largest city in your home state and your last name is the highest level of the miltary you think you could of gotten to if it werent for your old sports injury that would of disqualified you probably from enlisting so instead you just got a American flag bumper sticker instead. So for me its Buffalo Private which is so badass that even Kapernick would have to admit ok, this guys probably got the goods.

10. Jay Wright met the Pope and it got me thinking about what if Loyola had won the champonship and Sister Jean had gotten to meet his emenince. Bet the sexual tension would of been so thicc you could of cut it with a knife. Im of the mindset that if your over the age of 75 and you meet another virgin whose also over the age of 75 you basicaly have to have sex with each other its like putting two bugs in a jar together. And I think the catholic church should approve of it too if for no other reason then to make a superbaby with all the desirous traits of a good christian instantly the baby woud become the new pope at birth and you wouldnt have to worry about going on tinder for popes or whatever app they use to find whoever is going to get to sext directly with god (pray) for the next 40 years.