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What Do You Think Amen Corner Is Doing Right Now?

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The Saturday before the Masters I was having a few cocktails with a couple buddies. Transfusions — we were in a golfin’ mood. It was around 10:45 pm. We were watching old Masters reruns and somebody brought up an interesting question: what is Amen Corner doing right now? Our conclusion was that it was doing nothing, but we were intrigued by the fact that iconically famous places on the earth are, at all times, just there. Think about that — they’re always there. When it’s light. When it’s dark. When it’s raining. When it’s snowing. When it’s sunny. When there’s not a human being in sight. When they’re packed with thousands of tourists or when they’re desolately empty. It doesn’t matter, those places are always there.

On Christmas morning, when you’re scoffing down the cookies and milk somebody left out for Santa Claus’ fake ass, Amen Corner is just there. It’s just hanging out.

Well now that the Masters has come and gone, what is Amen Corner doing?

Peter enlightened us a bit.

That poor, young turtle never even had a chance at a normal life. How could it be expected to succeed, to flourish, to live a happy and healthy life producing other baby turtles after such a tumultuous upbringing? It saw months and months of peace and quiet there in Rae’s Creek. It swam around, socialized with the other turtles, and even hopped on the banks of the 11th and 12th holes to catch some rays. Gettin’ Rays near Rae’s.

Then one day, BAM, our poor turtle had thrust upon it thousands and thousands of people for 8 days straight. Cameras, roars, Tiger Woods’ golf balls all relentlessly pelting the impressionable young reptile… in his natural habitat no less! Sad.

I imagine, at Amen Corner, a few lonely flag sticks’ flags waving just slightly in a light breeze. What’s it doing after the sun goes down? What it doing at midnight? How many consecutive hours go by without a person being present at Amen Corner? Do members sneak down after dinner with a pretty friend and engage in some intercourse? How many times in the history of Augusta National have members gotten laid somewhere on the actual golf course? 10? 200? 5,000? I don’t even know where to begin guessing. Who was the first person to get laid at Amen Corner? Did Arnie have some cool tradition where he stumbled down there every Sunday night that he won for some celebratory sex?

So many questions. I think Amen Corner may be my single favorite place on the planet earth. It’s historic, iconic, exclusive, mysterious, treacherous, beautiful, and American.

And it’s a real shame we won’t see it again for another year.

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Masters 2019 is going to be awesome.