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Deadspin Blogger Timothy Burke Reports On Racist Soccer Fans Throwing A Banana On The Field, Quietly Updates Post When It Turns Out To Be An Energy Drink Bottle

It’s been a pretty bad week for Deadspin, the blog staffed with white men, (once described by a female editor as “a difficult place for women to work“) who recently went bankrupt after illegally posting stolen sex videos and was purchased for pennies by a company that has more loyalty to the feelings of Barstool Sports than their own editor in chief.

In their never ending quest to turn every occurrence in life into a smug politicized moment, it appears they finally reached a little too far – far enough at least to get the infamous “Deadspin [UPDATE].” (For those unfamiliar, the Deadspin [UPDATE] is a unique strategy used by the site to correct wrong information while still fanning the flames of outrage and capitalizing on trigger words for page views.  Whereas most journalism outlets amend a piece to make it factually correct or retract it altogether, Deadspin will add the word “update” to a headline hours after the initial traffic has been collected, then make you scroll through the entire post to find said “update” which will describe how the story is completely fake.  So if you’re the type of internet user who doesn’t make it a habit to check back on your favorite stories hours and days after you first read them, you’ll rarely ever notice the thing you first read was just simply a lie.)

In this case, Deadspin veteran Timothy Burke seems to have had his hand caught in the clickbait cookie jar, after analyzing some grainy soccer footage and averring that racist soccer fans were throwing bananas at black players.

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Soon after that strongly worded headline, savvy readers noticed that an “Update” was quietly added to the headline of the story filed to “RACISM”:

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What was the update?  Was the player who was subjected to such abhorrent racist behavior misidentified?  Was the wrong team accidentally named in the rush to expose this disgusting bigotry?

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Oh.  It was an energy drink bottle.  An energy drink bottle that had the misfortune of looking AWFULLY banana-shaped and banana-colored (read: yellow) to “us.”  (The “us” is another Deadspin staple, a plural pronoun used to attribute blame to a group of people rather than making the author accept responsibility for a personal opinion posted under his byline.)

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And another update!

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At that annoying source’s insistence, “they” were forced to change language in the post.  That change in language was, to be clear, correcting the story from saying “racist soccer fans throw banana” to the factually correct “soccer fans throw water bottle on field.”

Fucking sources!

PS,

The snarky, smug and self-righteous tone of this blog is so good that I’m convinced I could submit this as a writing sample to Deadspin under a pseudonym and be hired instantly as the new EIC.