JERRY AFTER DARK | TUNE IN TONIGHT 8:00PM CT | SPONSORED BY JACKPOCKET |WATCH NOW

Advertisement

There is a Serial Toilet Clogger on the Loose and Police are Baffled

SourceWisconsin cops are on the hunt for a stinker costing the city of Sheboygan thousands of dollars in repair costs by repeatedly clogging the toilet inside a women’s public restroom.

The Sheboygan Police Department says that for the past year and a half, a person has clogged the women’s toilet in the Deland Community Center — by stuffing a 20-ounce soda bottle into the bowl each time.

“Why do this? I do not know, but if you help us find the person, I will tell you. This is very strange… and gross, but that is the reality of life,” the police department posted on its Facebook page Tuesday. …

Joe Kerlin, the city’s superintendent of parks and forestry, told MySheboygan.com that the toilet was clogged 12 times in 2016, 14 times in 2017 and three times this year.

Wake up, America. While your leaders in Washington are wasting their time on investigating Russians and Facebook, email servers and obscure porn actresses, we’ve got a mad toilet clogger on the loose in Sheboygan and nobody seems to be doing a damned thing about it.

“Hold on there, Jer,” you might be saying. “What does the federal government have to do with one ladies room in Wisconsin?” My answer is simple: Everything. It has everything to do with it. Civilization is based on one thing above all others: The removal of poop. Working toilets fed by the Aqueduct are what built ancient Rome. The most important invention of all time was that little “S” pipe under your toilet that stays filled with water, thus trapping sewer gas below is what makes modern cities possible. If the women of Sheybogan, WI can’t stock the pond with finless brown fish in peace, then our old society is in danger of collapsing.

Not to go all Frances McDormand in Three Billboards on everybody, but what the hell are the authorities doing about this? They sit and dither while this mad toilet bomber plots her next move. And it’s only a matter of time before she claims another victim. Some poor woman will be racing into that ladies room with her back teeth floating, needed to release some sewer trout, only to find the bandit has struck again. Or God forbid some little girl will be racing in there with her mom needing to take the Browns to the Super Bowl, see a bottle jammed in there instead and be traumatized for life. And Lord have mercy on us all if some other nutjob is encouraged by her success and we start seeing copycat toilet clogs.

Well I for one won’t stand for it. We need to call our congressmen and the White House and demand they get involved and crack this caper before this diabolical toilet vandal strikes again. Remember, that if the ladies of the Deland Community Center are not free to pee unmolested by this madwoman, than none of us is truly free.

@jerrythornton1