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ANNOUNCEMENT: I'm Officially Retiring From Fortnite Citing A Crippling Addiction And An Even Greater Lack Of Skill

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Watch Stoolie Squads on Fortnite GIVE ME THE DUBS LORRRRD from barstoolsports on www.twitch.tv

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That’s it. Time to leave the cleats on the field and raise that Indy Colts 2014-like participation banner to the rafters. Live look at Smitty:

Heroes get remembered, but legends never die. Gerigh. Ninja. Smitty. One legend. One hero who is a legend in the making. And one bum on the wrong side of 30 who has logged over 45 hours in the last 2 weeks with enough kids to put Chris Hansen back in business for life (FYI, General Guerrero has granted me an honorable discharge). Nights have become days. Days have become weeks. It’s all been a blur. And last night…last night was a rough one, folks. It was rock bottom of my virtual heroin addiction, and I was basically pantsless in the truckstop bathroom stall with the needle sticking out of my arm. The scorebook says it all:

Point blank: I STINK. We leave it all out on the battlefield for my brothers, but the empty heart is a killer. I’m Rod Tidwell in real life baby. I’m all heart motherfucker. Just looking for that Quan and golden Scar, but always coming up empty. This crippling addiction has affected my mind, my health, and even my relationship:

Alas, going cold turkey is the best solution right now not only for myself, but my family. May God be with you all, as there are no guaranteed victories in life. We’ll see you all at a later date. Preferably tomorrow with rapper Don Q, who was supposed to come in today for NBA 2K18 but the snow got him all fucked up. Such as life.

PS – WE GOT AN XBOX. A bunch of Barstool personalities are gonna start Seven Seaing this shit on Sea Of Thieves soon as well as Pubg and other XBOX related fun.

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