Creed From The Office Walked In On Me Pooping And It's Easily A Top 5 Moment Of My Life
You know, I’m having a hard time writing this blog. So I’ll just be honest. I’ve been having a very bad day. I’m sad. I’m heartbroken. Today is like, a bottom 1 day of the year for me. I just want to go home and watch 500 Days of Summer and have a nice cry. Just one of those shitty days, ya know? We all have them, nothing to be ashamed of. But with every yin there is a yang. And today while my sadness was my yin, Creed Bratton, real name Creed Bratton, was my yang.
You see, I’ve taken a lot of poops in my life. In the low to mid 5 figures if I had to guess. I rate myself a pretty good poop taker. I eat a lot of fiber so I never really have any problems staying regular. I’m not great at away games, as I prefer the comfort of my home abode, but I’ve gotten accustom to using the bathroom here at the office after having some coffee.
So that brings us to what happened this morning. I did what I always do- walked over to the bathroom, opened the door, closed the door, hit the lock, pulled out my phone and down my pantalons, and had a seat. Except I guess I forgot one minor detail- hitting the lock. Actually, I take that back- I’m pretty sure I locked it, the lock was pushed in, I think. But I guess something got fucked up in the process because the next thing I knew, there I was, reading Twitter, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw the doorknob start to turn. “Well, this isn’t what is supposed to happen when I’m sitting here on the toilet, pants around my ankles” I quickly thought to myself in that .5 seconds you have when you realize something weird is about to happen. And the door FLEW open, with the power of 100 suns, and there I was, staring none other than Creed Bratton himself in the face.
“Sup bro” I said to him, because I mean, what else are you going to say when someone walks in on you?
He quickly apologized, which was nice but unnecessary, for he didn’t do anything wrong. And the thing is- I wasn’t embarrassed in the slightest. Like, not even a little. I’ve never been walked in on while dropping a deuce, but it wasn’t anything bad at all. I don’t know why anyone would be embarrassed by it, literally everyone in the world poops. Besides Alexis Ren, she’s an angel. But everyone else does, and it’s awesome!
Now here’s the kicker- I didn’t realize who Creed was at first. I have watched The Office through probably about 10 times. I love Creed. I love everything about him. But I have this problem where I am very bad at identifying faces. I’ve blogged about it before but couldn’t find the blog just now when I went looking for it. But I absolutely, for the life of me, do not recognize people in person. Maybe I was dropped on my head as a small child and suffered damage to the temporal lobe, the part of the brain which is responsible for our ability to recognize faces, because I think I have prosopagnosia. Pardon My Take has celebrities and athletes coming through the office on a weekly basis, and I always have to ask who they are. “Oh, that’s Joe Buck?” “Oh, that’s Von Miller?” I just never, ever know who anyone is.
So the true kicker came when one of the interns goes “do you know who that was?” And I was like “uhhhh…no I’m not sure”. And they were like “Creed from The Office just walked in on you”. My face LIT UP like a Christmas tree. I flashed back to the moment we locked eyes while I was on the commode a minute earlier. “Holy shit, Creed from The Office just walked in on me taking a poop! That’s amazing!”
My once terrible, somber, sad day flipped on its head. A guy I love, admire, and has made me laugh forever just walked in on me. You couldn’t script it any better than Creed walking in on me in the bathroom. It’s incredible. I went to tell anyone who didn’t see it. I texted my parents, who were confused and suggested I lock doors in the future. I was over the moon about it. How cool is that, that the one time I don’t lock the door, Creed Fuckin’ Bratton walked in? You just can’t make that up. Creed Bratton. Unreal.
What sucks though is I was out getting lunch when he left the KFC Radio podcast room, and I wasn’t able to get a picture with him, preferably in the bathroom. So that was kind of a blower. In and out of my life, faster than I could wipe my ass. I’ll never forget that moment, for as long as I live.
I just hope he writes his side of the story from his website, while he’s sitting in the lady’s room. He pays for that privilege!