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'Ethlete' Wakes Up to His Girlfriend Attacking Him with a Ninja Sword, Uses His Gamer Powers to Save Himself

Ethlete

SourceAlex Lovell nearly lost his fingers, his life and he appears to have lost the woman he loved.

Otherwise, the Camas man is feeling pretty good.

“I was just so proud for beating this samurai wannabe crazy lady with hate in her heart,” Lovell, 29, told The Oregonian/OregonLive in a Facebook message exchange Wednesday. “I’ve been preparing my whole life for something like this.”

The woman? Emily Javier, 30, his girlfriend of two years. Javier faces attempted murder charges after she told police and a 911 dispatcher she attacked and repeatedly slashed Lovell with a samurai sword during the wee hours of March 3. …

In an interview with police after the attack, Javier claimed she found a Tinder dating app on Lovell’s phone and also fumed over his penchant for playing too many video games. …

The long hours also required him to spend time doing exercises for his hands, wrists and shoulders and also practicing mouse moves and techniques to maximize performance.

“I wasn’t a sweaty nerd, more of an Ethlete,” Lovell said, describing a person who has an intensive online gaming regimen.

Javier told police she hatched the assault on Lovell after she found evidence he had been unfaithful.

First, there was the Tinder dating app, she said. Then she, she said, saw sexually suggestive scratches on his back. Finally, Javier found red hair in the couple’s shower drain, according to the police report.

Her hair, on the other hand, is dyed green. …

Her anger peaked the night of March 2 when Lovell returned home and ignored her, Javier said. About 9 p.m., she went into the couple’s bedroom, where she had taped the samurai sword and two knives to her side of the bed … Lovell said he woke up to being attacked by Javier. His instincts kicked in, and he drew on a lifetime of Kung Fu films and martial arts training.

“I was able to wing chun my way to survival,” Lovell said referring to a traditional form of Chinese martial art that focuses on close-range combat.

Eventually he got her into a bear hug.

“I saw the look in her eyes, and it scared the living poop out of me,” he said.

“Obviously, I got some gnarly injuries,” he said. …”The feeling I had when I won the fight with my bare hands is just absolutely the best feeling,” he said. “I’ve played all the sports, won big games, landed some decent tricks on my snowboard. This was better.”

Holy crap. Forgive me the overly long excerpt here. But when the subject is a certified Kung Fu badass like Alex Lovell, you let him tell his story of heroism and survival. My own words are useless when it comes to describing his courage under fire. The valor. The survival instincts. That moment when his fight-or-flight kicked in, could’ve gone either way but he chose “fight.” Even in the face of getting the poop scared out of him.

I won’t advocate domestic violence in any form. But you can see where Emily Javier’s jealous rage came from, thinking she was in danger of losing a catch like him. Again, I’m the world’s biggest proponent of using your words, not your ninja weapon, but I can sympathize with her a little. Fortunately for us all, she chose the wrong man to fuck with. Javier is an Ethlete. Who’s been training for a sleeping Samurai attack his entire life, one video game, martial arts movie, snowboard trick and wing chun practice at a time.

Do I think fending off this Samurai wanna be crazy lady with hate in her heart’s attack really feels better than winning big games or landing a snowboard jump? That’s not for me to say. I’m not breathing the rarefied air of our latest Ethlete/self-defense hero and never could. I just hope the fact it all worked out somehow brings these star-crossed lovers back together. But who knows? It’s the gnarly injuries you don’t see that are the toughest to heal.

@jerrythornton1