Daycare Owner Sentenced To 21 Years In Jail Because She Drugged Children So She Could Gym, Tan, Laundry

Oregon Live - A Bend day care owner who had been accused of slipping children melatonin so that she could hit the gym and go tanning was sentenced to 21 years and four months in prison by a Deschutes County judge Friday.

January Neatherlin, 32, had been running an illegal childcare operation called Little Giggles for approximately four years and pleaded guilty to 11 counts of first-degree criminal mistreatment and one count of third-degree assault, according to court records. 

Bend police, based on tips provided by a former boyfriend and a former roommate, surveilled Neatherlin last March and saw her leave the house twice while she was supposed to be watching seven children.

———-

What a story. It answers the age old question that has been stumping philosophers for years- What’s the perfect plan for someone who can’t get on a reality show but also wants to both get paid andddd keep up their gym and tanning?

A daycare, but of course! What are those kids going to do, run away during nap time? Hell no. And even if they wake up, you can just lock the door and put a enough trucks and Lion King DVDs in there to keep them occupied for hours. But just in case they do wake up and start questioning things like “where is the day care teacher?”, oh buddy, she had a plan for that:

The children who had been left in her care during those excursions had the sleep aid melatonin in their systems, according to a sentencing memo. 

Neatherlin had been telling parents they couldn’t pick up or drop off their kids between 11 a.m. and 2 p.m. Police checked Cross Fit and Tan Republic records to find that’s when she would leave the house, hours she referred to as “nap time.”

You drug the little bitches!

Can’t wake up from nap time if all the time is nap time. And that way you can work in a nice cross fit session after hitting the tanning bed. It’s such a no brainer.

This story reminds me that you pretty much can’t trust any day care. When you put your kid in day care, you are accepting they will either be entered into an underground baby Fight Club, or drugged, or probably both. Great way for them to develop character though. Toughen those kids up at a young age. If we had a few more daycares like these, we won’t have another participation trophy generation, that’s for sure. #FightAndDrugMoreKids